RP#27

Kip Anderson is standing on set in front of the UWL banner with a mic in hand.

Kip "Hello UWL fans I'm Kip Anderson and my guest right now is one half of the UWL tag team champions, NASCAR Billy. Billy."

Billy comes walking in and stands next to Kip with the UWL tag team title around his waist. He hooks his thumbs around the face of the title.

Kip "Billy. First of all thanks for giving me a couple of minutes."

NASCAR Billy "Anything fer you Kip."

Kip "Everyone in the UWL wants to know now that Joe has a broken leg what does this mean for those tag titles? What are you going to do Billy?"

NASCAR Billy "Everyone will find out come Saturday Kip. Ima been talkin' with Joe. Been talkin' with Nanook. We've come up with some things. Hashed out some idears and put some things on da table."

Kip "So can we safely say that you will find a new partner?"

Billy nods his head a couple of times.

NASCAR Billy "Yeah sure. Ima not ready to stop being da people's tag team champion dat's fer sure! Like, ain't no way in hell dat is gunna happen Kip. I mean, yeah it sucked what happened to Joe and I hope he has magical healing powers and in two weeks he's like, good to go and we can go on and teach Pine Baron and Kahzir to never ever say our names again but unless he's Clark Kent and we all just don't know he's superman, dat ain't gunna happen. I mean, I wish it would. Joe and I. Let's face it Kip. We're awesome."

Kip "We have so much to cover here Billy but before we move on to the team of Pine Baron and Kahzir let's go back to Honor and Glory. You and Steve Sinclair had some heated words after the match. You seen what he did to Joe. Knowing what he is capable of would you even think about getting in the ring to face Steve Sinclair?"

NASCAR Billy "Dat King Kong reject doesn't scare me! Ima NASCAR Billy. I never back down and if that guy wants to take on NASCAR Billy, den I will lap his slow ass and before he can say pit stop I will take him out like Carl Edwards took Brad Keselowski 2 years ago and send mister I have a weight issue into da wall and put him out of action.....permanently!"

Kip "Pine Baron and Kahzir have their sights on those titles. Can you give us a time table of when you will find a new partner and when you will defend those titles?"

NASCAR Billy "Kip tables can't tell time and Pine Baron and Kahzir can just wait a second or two while I figure things out. Hell they can sit down at this time table of yours if dey want but know dis! When I find a new partner and trust me, I will find a new partner. Who wouldn't want to team with me? Den I will see if those two are up fer the challenge. Until den dey can just shut da hell up!"

Kip "This week you are in a fatal four way match against Johnathon Thomas Cross. Winterborn and the TV champion, Evan Caravelle."

NASCAR Billy "Before I respond to Even Caravelle...."

Kip "Evan."

NASCAR Billy "Huh?"

Kip "You said even. His name is Evan."

NASCAR Billy "Yeah! Dat's what I said. Even. Gees Kip come on keep up with da program. Why does this Johnathon Thomas Cross feller have like, so many names? If he some goodie tooshie guy who thinks it's cool to have like, 3 names. I wonder if he related to my ex girlfriend. She had like 3 names too."

Kip "So it true? You broke up with your fiancee."

NASCAR Billy "Yup! Dodged a bullet der I tell ya what Kip. Ima lucky man to not get hitched to dat one. Boy I tell ya what, feels good to be free but back to dis Johnathon Thomas Cross feller. We haven't seen too much of JTC. Damn!"

Billy chuckles.

NASCAR Billy "Dat just sounded like something you have to get over da counter at the pharmacy. Git ur JTC OTC now and do away with explosive diarrhea! Common side affects may include but not limited to hives, stroke, lost of feeling in your left pinky, ass cancer and a low sex desire. If yur diarrhea last more den four hours please see yur doctor. In some patients der skin color turned purple with pink strips but dis was rare. Other went blind and couldn't poop fer a month. Ask yur doctor before taking any medication you know Kip dat what he reminds me of. He's one of dem ass doctors."

Kip "A proctologist?"

NASCAR Billy Huh what?"

Kip "A proctologist. A doctor who studies the colon and what not."

NASCAR Billy "If you say so so JTC like to stick his finger into people's ass I guess. I'll make a note of dat and not touch his hand. Do you know if he's left or right handed?"

Kip "I don't know Billy."

NASCAR Billy "Well you should. Den we have Winterborn. A lot of fellers dey be always talkin' about Winterborn but come on. I'm with Even on dis. What has dat guy ever done? Gotten beaten by Raven? Everyone be like, oh you better watch out fer dat guy. He's gunna go places around her. When? Next year? Kip, do I have to remind everyone who won championship gold in his first ever match in da UWL? Do I Kip?"

Kip "No I don't think you do."

NASCAR Billy "Too bad because I am. Winterborn has been here fer what feels like 10 years now and he hasn't even gotten close to sniffin' a title while, I have been walking around with dis around my waist fer seven months now. My third ever match in my career...I was crowned champion. Now what do you say to dat Even? Huh? Mister I toot my own horn because no one around here knows who da hell I am!"

Kip "Really?"

NASCAR Billy "What?"

Kip "Evan Caravelle is former 2 time Heritage champion."

NASCAR Billy "And? Dat was like many moons ago. Dat was several empty mason jars ago. Da only person who was around fer dat was maybe Eddie Jones and even den. So what? Even left fer whatever reason. No one knows why he left. He could just be a quitter fer all we know. Maybe his opponents were gettin' to be too much fer him and he bailed. We don't know Kip. But here he is now, steppin' into the UWL actin' like he never left and we should be impressed er something. Whoopie Even is no longer on food stamps. He's no longer on Obama's teet. He's throwin' out names like it's suppose to mean something to me. Hell I never heard of those people. He could be makin' up name fer all I know I dunno know Kip."

Kip "Jacob Davies is a legend in these parts."

NASCAR Billy "And he's no longer around here. I love how he thinks he will simply walk into da UWL and beat Karma. He will beat Justin Brooks. He will beat Caleb Hart. Who does he think he is? NASCAR Billy? I don't think so! Listen...gimme dis!"

Billy takes the mic from Kip and looks right into the camera

NASCAR Billy "Ain't no one got time to sit around da camp fire and relive stories of how you beat dis guy and dat guy back in da day! Those days are long gone and so is dis year and half run you had. Hell you have been out of the UWL longer den you were beating some random guys. Dis is now and yer lookin' at the best damn tag team champion of all time! Da only guys who hide behind masks are guys who can't get da job done or their hiding something but in dis case Ima think your da embarrassed one Even. Embarrassed dat you had to come crawling back to da UWL because no one else would have ya. What was it? Did ya strike out else where? No one wanted to hear about your glory days? Whatever it was dat made you come crawling back you will soon be wishin' fer da mask again. I ain't Alan Christopher. Dat dude is like old and stuff. He can't move with out his geritol. You can try to make herself out to be dis bad ass but everyone in da UWL sees right through ya. Fer months we seen the video every Saturday night all about Even Caravelle and how great he used to be......well der is a new Billy Bad Ass in da UWL and his name just happens to be Billy. Dis redneck ain't shakin' in his boots from the tales of decades ago. Dis redneck isn't gunna be blinded by some hype you drummed up. Dis redneck is comin' fer a fight and he's comin' fer a fight Saturday night. I wouldn't get worried about my rage, dat is of course if I direct it in your direction. From where Ima standin' der is far too many beast in da UWL nowadays and it's time fer someone to stand up and start huntin' des beasts down and puttin dem on the endangered species list and dat guy..."

Billy points his thumb at his chest.

NASCAR Billy "Is me! I don't care if yur eight feet tall and a monster. I don't care if yur built like Zeus and strong like hell. I don't even care if yur name is Even and you once wore a mask and could dance. NASCAR Billy! Beast Slayer is in town and yur all going down and it starts dis weekend with you Even. After you face me, you will wish you were still in da glory days of yesteryear."

Billy drops the mic and flexes like Hulk Hogan, without all the muscles as the scene fades to black.