Post by Steve Sinclair on Mar 17, 2015 22:28:49 GMT
Payday
Jim Cogdill Dodge, Chrysler and Jeep in Knoxville Tennessee is where we find UWL’s favorite redneck NASCAR Billy today. He drove his old beat up, rusted out pick up up to the front of the building and it smokes and makes all sorts of noises. He kills the motor and pops open the door, after using his shoulder to force it open. He steps out and slams the door behind him.
”You know Chris. You might think of me as dat kid on the playground going “HEY! Look at me!” and I just might very well be but let’s be honest. Without a little self promotion the chicks will never pay attention to you and I am all about the beer and the boobs you know. So….whatever dude. You on the other hand is that quite creepy kid off in the corner sulking, never really happy about anything and everyone annoys you. You can’t stand everyone and you are on dis high horse thinkin’ dat your shit don’t smell when in fact, you could use a bath, maybe two of em and the chicks. Dey don’t even look at you, even da fat ones. About da only ones who pay any sort of attention to ya are the really crazy, known em by name cuz you’ve seen em every week on Cops psycho bitches. And no one wants them. So I’m not surprised when you say you don’t care about the fans. You don’t care about sellin’ T shirts, belt buckles, bottles of Shine. Hats, shoes, pictures, whatever. You have no use for dat sort of stuff and I betcha you sit in some cave somewhere going “That NASCAR Billy, he is a retard, playing up to the fans like that. Not me! Not Chris Nichols! I don’t need them, don’t want them! Screw him, Screw them, Screw you.” Well I am here today at Jim Cogdill Dodge to show ya why it is awesome to be loved by the fans, to have the fans to truly care about you, to cheer for you.”
A pretty little thing walks up to Billy. She smiles.
“Can I help you? You need some help?” She asks.
”Ima here to see Garrett.”
“Oh I’ll go get him for you. He’ll be right over.”
”Thanks. You know what else I don’t get about ya? You seem confused as to whether you’re a human, a bear, a lion or a shark. We’re steppin’ into a wrassling ring, not a swimmin’ pool. We’re fightin’, not huntin. Der is no blood in da water. Der is bucket of chicken guts to lure in Jaws. You don’t have to lure me buddy. We’re already gunna fight. I signed the contract, Ima assumin’ you signed the contract. It’s a done deal. If you were dis big bad ass bear, tiger whatever, top of da food chain predator den…..”
Billy takes off his hat and uses the brim of it to rub his forehead.
”You would have already defeated Caleb Hart and well...da last I checked. Dat didn’t happen. You know Chris, you seem to have blinders on. Maybe you’re a horse, or at least a jackass. I fought Steve to gain control of my contract. I fought Steve so I can have control over my future. I wore a mask and called myself DJR so I could work in the UWL, and not for Steve. Jay helped me do that. Jay worked with me on the whole Racin’ Tyme deal. And you know why? Because he cares about me, He likes me. He sees something in me and found a way to keep me around till we figured out a way to get rid of Steve. You need to take a look at what else is going on around the UWL. If you did you would have known dat story, my hardship and my tale of why that match took place. If you were watchin’ what was going on, you would noticed dat my match against Jason Michaels never took place. Justin Brooks didn’t interfere. Dat match wasn’t thrown out. Dat match just never took place and hence, I didn’t lose to him.”
Billy puts his hat back on and crosses his arms.
”You know, maybe you’re anteater, always sticking your nose in the ground, shoving your head in a hole in da ground.”
Garrett, one of the sales people for Cogdill Dodge walks over to Billy.
“Hello?” He says as he extends his hand. “I’m Garrett and I’m told you are asking for me? Is there something I can help you with? I see that truck has seen better days.”
Billy glances at the camera and winks.
”Garrett. I’m…”
“I know you are. I watch you every Saturday night. You’re NASCAR Billy.” Garrett says.
”I like you already. Garrett being one of fan favorites in da UWL, pushing as many T shirts and belt buckets as I do, second only to Caleb Hart.”
Garrett smiles.
”Once a month I get a big fat check from fine people of merchandising fer my cut and despite being in a tad little slump, I had a real good month and I just cashed my check and came here.”
“Okay?” Garrett says no sure where Billy is going.
”Now Ima not gunna say how big my check was. I don’t want to make my opponent dis week Chris Nichols jealous and make em turn green with envy thus havin’ look like a frog.”
Billy pauses.
”I could go fer some fried up frog legs now dat I mention it. Garrett, I want to send a statement to all of the fan hatin’ guys and gals in da UWL who diss da fans week in and week out and say dey don’t need em. I am here to buy a vehicle Garrett and you are my man! I got online and checked your inventory and you have a car on dis lot dat I am buyin’ today!”
Big smile from Garrett. “Great! Which one?”
”Hellcat.”
That is all Billy has to say. It’s a big ticket item that will make Garrett’s week huge.
“Really?” He says. “The Hellcat?”
”Yeah! Hellcat! I’m here. With cash. Make it happen Garrett!”
“Well that car is a little pricey. How much do you have to put down on it? How is your credit?”
”Garrett! You are ya talkin’ too?”
Billy puts his arm around Garrett.
“NASCAR Billy.” He goes.
”What do I do?”
“You’re a professional wrestler. Moonshiner.”
”Don’t forget someday, I’ll be da UWL Triple Crown Champion. And in a few weeks, I’ll be beatin’ The Rodent’s ass into da ground. So da only question Garrett isn’t how’s my credit. How much do I have fer a down payment. Da only question should be…”
Garrett is a little uncomfortable with Billy having his arm around. Billy reaches in his back pocket and pulls out a bank envelope.
”When can I drive dat black on black on black fire breathing Hellcat home? Can I drive dat bad boy home in like 30 minutes?”
Billy hands Garrett the stack and Garrett looks at it and looks at Billy. He opens the top of the envelope and quickly thumbs it.
“I’ll be right back Billy. I’ll see what I can do.”
”I’ll be right here Garrett.”
Garrett heads on inside to see what he can do. Billy smiles and removes his hat and wipes his forehead with the back of his forehead. He is suddenly sweating like crazy.
”Man! What a rush! I have never dropped dat kind of cash on anything like dat! Man my accountant is gunna be so mad at me but it’s worth it! Who doesn’t want a 850 horse muscle car like a Hellcat! Ever since I saw it on TV I have wanted one and well….dis is da impulse of all impulse buys and to everyone who is watchin’ dis. All of da fans who buy my shirts, buy my hats. Thank you. You see Chris. Life can be fun when you embrace da fans. If you work hard and keep your nose to grindstone stuff like dis, can happen to you too.”
Billy folds his hat up and stuffs it in his back pocket.
”I ain’t sayin’ dat Ima gunna face Caleb Hart next week. I ain’t sayin’ Ima gunna face Caleb next month, or da month after dat. I have only won 3 times so far this year so it’s a tad out of da question dat I would be gettin’ a shot at da Triple Crown title anytime soon. Not to make Josh Eagles spit out his wheaties but I haven’t earned a shot at dat belt yet. It’s clear dat Jay has a plan fer me like I said da other day. I see his plan. Now I have to hold up my end of the plan and dat part is to start picking up victories, win after win and work my way up da ladder and make a case fer me to step in dat ring and square off against Caleb Hart. I started dat last week when I picked off Sakito. I continue dat dis week when I beat you. I’m playin’ with house money if you really think about. Nothing to lose, everything to win. You on da other hand……”
“I haven’t shot my gun in a while. With all of your talk of animals dis week I feel like Ima big game hunter looking to add to my trophy case. My gun is loaded, cocked and ready fie. I have my sights sighted in on you. Der just might be blood in da water when dis is all said and done after all.”
Garrett returns.
“Billy?”
”Yes?”
Garrett holds out the keys to the Hellcat as someone else drives it around for him.
“Enjoy buddy.”
Billy has a huge smile on his face.
”HELL YEAH!”
Fade out…….
