Post by Steve Sinclair on Mar 3, 2018 14:51:36 GMT
Friday Night
Laredo Texas
Royal Reception Hall
“Insane” Texas Championship Wrestling…..
Night Club's Dear Enemy plays as the gathering of wrestling fans on this border town look towards the cheap entrance get up as "Bad Ass" James Kelloggs, who gets a small pop because he's a tiny little guy. Joe Jones throw the curtain back, steps into the “Insane Zone”. Hold onto your hats folks.
Nanook isn't the only one out on a promotional tour. Joe has embarked on his own little tour & tonight he finds himself in Laredo Texas. He's lined himself up a match for here tonight, but first, a little mic time in the ring…..
“Alright! Listen up you bunch of bitches! As you MOFO's know, in 16 days, this fucker right here, Wrestling royalty, Joe Jones.” James starts out as Joe is wearing a Whirlwind Tee.
“Just two hours & fortyfive fucking minutes from here down highway 85, this fucker is going to battle 13 other dumbfucks to see who will be the first ever WW Champion! You sons of bitches better drag your fucking asses to Monterrey on the 18th and watch this fucker pick up another title in his long and illustrious career! I swear! If I don't see you there….” James pauses, glaring at the crowd, looking the fans in their eyes. “Well that just means there is more bitches for me to fuck that night!”
Laughter.
Joe takes the mic from his mini sidekick.
“Thank you James for that warm and heartfelt introduction. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that you're the best little pitch man in wrestling today! Get it? Little!”
Everyone but James laughs. He's a shade of red right now.
“But seriously. Please allow me to speak about the upcoming Scramble match for the Whirlwind Championship on the 18th. From now till the 18th, we're going to hear many hopefuls flapping their gums about why they're going to win that belt. I'm sure one of them will say something dumb like, this championship is my destiny, it's my birthright! It's why I'm here, to win that belt. We both know, when they fail, we will never hear from them ever again! They will stomp their feet, clench their teeth and tuck their cocks between their legs, run home to mamma and cry a river on her shoulder. So like, half of this field, they don't have a shot at winning this belt because they don't have what it takes. They don't have a pedigree within them to win a match such as this Scramble match! They spend more time coming up with cute little nicknames for themselves than actually spending on becoming a professional wrestler. They spend more time making movies, pretending to be playboys and high rollers, they spend more time looking in the mirror fixing their makeup for their latest photo shoot cuz they are models first, wrestler second. That's just the dudes, I haven't even talked about the women in this match, who…”
“I'm reminded of a Lewis Black bit I saw a couple of years ago. One of his stand up specials and he was talking about Britney Spears about a show or video she just released. He goes, and I quote. “Titties titties ass ass! That's all it was! Titties titties ass ass!” And folks! That sums up all of the…”
Points at James who yells.
“BITCHES”
“In this match! I've seen their kind for the last ten years in this sport. Bunch of big breasted, loudmouth, high maintenance, don't have the skills to pass for a credible threat in the ring, eye candy ho bags.”
“For the record!” James goes. “I'll eat that Veronica Taylor….ALLL NIGHT! I mean all night LONG!”
“Thanks for underlining my point. Folks! There is only one man in that ring on the 18th who is going to win that title. It's no movie star even if he's a B lister. It's not some mangy dog. It's not some ginger, nor a greco wrestler. Not the guy who claims to be the industry standard because we all know he's not or the dude who thinks he's on fire. You can count out the one dude who going to try and win all of Mexico over by pretending to be one of them and lastly, Calloway has lost like, a billion matches in his career so you can write him off too.”
“No. The one guy who'll win that belt, is the one guy who has the most experience, the history, drive, passion and desire to win it all, that guy, is the sexiest, most talented of them all. You just need to remember just two letters because I know they're on the forefront of your minds. I'm Double J. The first and only Whirlwind Champion.”
Laredo Texas
Royal Reception Hall
“Insane” Texas Championship Wrestling…..
Night Club's Dear Enemy plays as the gathering of wrestling fans on this border town look towards the cheap entrance get up as "Bad Ass" James Kelloggs, who gets a small pop because he's a tiny little guy. Joe Jones throw the curtain back, steps into the “Insane Zone”. Hold onto your hats folks.
Nanook isn't the only one out on a promotional tour. Joe has embarked on his own little tour & tonight he finds himself in Laredo Texas. He's lined himself up a match for here tonight, but first, a little mic time in the ring…..
“Alright! Listen up you bunch of bitches! As you MOFO's know, in 16 days, this fucker right here, Wrestling royalty, Joe Jones.” James starts out as Joe is wearing a Whirlwind Tee.
“Just two hours & fortyfive fucking minutes from here down highway 85, this fucker is going to battle 13 other dumbfucks to see who will be the first ever WW Champion! You sons of bitches better drag your fucking asses to Monterrey on the 18th and watch this fucker pick up another title in his long and illustrious career! I swear! If I don't see you there….” James pauses, glaring at the crowd, looking the fans in their eyes. “Well that just means there is more bitches for me to fuck that night!”
Laughter.
Joe takes the mic from his mini sidekick.
“Thank you James for that warm and heartfelt introduction. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that you're the best little pitch man in wrestling today! Get it? Little!”
Everyone but James laughs. He's a shade of red right now.
“But seriously. Please allow me to speak about the upcoming Scramble match for the Whirlwind Championship on the 18th. From now till the 18th, we're going to hear many hopefuls flapping their gums about why they're going to win that belt. I'm sure one of them will say something dumb like, this championship is my destiny, it's my birthright! It's why I'm here, to win that belt. We both know, when they fail, we will never hear from them ever again! They will stomp their feet, clench their teeth and tuck their cocks between their legs, run home to mamma and cry a river on her shoulder. So like, half of this field, they don't have a shot at winning this belt because they don't have what it takes. They don't have a pedigree within them to win a match such as this Scramble match! They spend more time coming up with cute little nicknames for themselves than actually spending on becoming a professional wrestler. They spend more time making movies, pretending to be playboys and high rollers, they spend more time looking in the mirror fixing their makeup for their latest photo shoot cuz they are models first, wrestler second. That's just the dudes, I haven't even talked about the women in this match, who…”
“I'm reminded of a Lewis Black bit I saw a couple of years ago. One of his stand up specials and he was talking about Britney Spears about a show or video she just released. He goes, and I quote. “Titties titties ass ass! That's all it was! Titties titties ass ass!” And folks! That sums up all of the…”
Points at James who yells.
“BITCHES”
“In this match! I've seen their kind for the last ten years in this sport. Bunch of big breasted, loudmouth, high maintenance, don't have the skills to pass for a credible threat in the ring, eye candy ho bags.”
“For the record!” James goes. “I'll eat that Veronica Taylor….ALLL NIGHT! I mean all night LONG!”
“Thanks for underlining my point. Folks! There is only one man in that ring on the 18th who is going to win that title. It's no movie star even if he's a B lister. It's not some mangy dog. It's not some ginger, nor a greco wrestler. Not the guy who claims to be the industry standard because we all know he's not or the dude who thinks he's on fire. You can count out the one dude who going to try and win all of Mexico over by pretending to be one of them and lastly, Calloway has lost like, a billion matches in his career so you can write him off too.”
“No. The one guy who'll win that belt, is the one guy who has the most experience, the history, drive, passion and desire to win it all, that guy, is the sexiest, most talented of them all. You just need to remember just two letters because I know they're on the forefront of your minds. I'm Double J. The first and only Whirlwind Champion.”