Post by Steve Sinclair on Feb 9, 2014 15:12:38 GMT
Come to daddy!
Green Man's jeep rolls into the parking lot for his body man in town. He pulls up to the front of the building and shuts the engine down. Green Man and Joe climb out of the jeep.
JJ "So it's done?"
GM "He called yesterday, said my baby was all done!"
JJ "Cool."
We fast forward a little bit, no one wants to see the Hi and How are you, How's my car, I need some money, come on let's go look at it. Sitting in the bay off of the office is Green Man's totally rebuilt and freshly painted 1968 Ford Fairlane. Foose wheels, air ride all around, pearl white paint and tinted windows. She looks fine. A bored .30 over 289 with Holley's fuel injection, 4 on the floor and all leather interior is more than enough to make a grown man cry. As they walk out into the garage where the car is sitting Green Man's eyes get wide and his jaw drops.
Body Man...Ken "Well here she is."
GM "Oh man.....Oh man.....Damn dude she looks nice."
Joe whistles as he steps out into the garage.
Ken "She came out pretty good. I was real surprised at how straight she was. There was one spot in the quarter but it wasn't nothing big."
GM "She looks lovely. I love it. Man you out did yourself this time."
Ken "Thanks. Check this out."
Ken who has the key hits a button on the key fob and it let's the air out of the bags lowering the car 3-4 inches. It doesn't sit on the floor but it comes close.
GM "Nice! That looks better now than when I put them in."
Ken "I knew you would love that."
GM "Boy do I! So can I drive it?"
Ken "She's all yours. I got paid, we're all good."
Ken tosses Green Man the keys and rips open the driver's side door and climbs into the car. It fires right up and the air bag fill back up with air. Green Man dumps the clutch and drives out of the garage and onto the street where he kicks it sideways and lights it up as he tears ass down the street. Joe slowly wanders out of the garage with Ken as Ken laughs watching the old man tear it up.
JJ "Guess I have the jeep."
Oh the big news!
Inside Joe's gym which is really Hatemonger's gym where Joe is getting a work out in and Hatemonger just won't shut the fuck up!
JH "I'm telling you Michaels took Hart to school! The battle of the champions that everyone was talking about ended up being the Heritage Champion school the lesser talented TV champion!"
JJ "okay."
JH "Pinned him cleanly Joey! CLEANLY! I don't think Hart knew what hit him!"
JJ "Okay."
JH "To be honest Joey, I haven't paid any attention to Jason Michaels but man, he is impressive! I wonder if Troy is impressed by him? You know how he says to everyone how he's not impressed by you, well not you but his opponent....like how he told off Wolf Parker this week. Sounded like he was talking to you a month or so ago."
Joe was doing curls at the time and he stops as he was pretty much tuning Hatemonger out but what he just said made sense.
JH "You know not to get off topic about how awesome Jason is but you know when I heard Troy the other day talking about Wolf Parker, everything he said, he said to you, almost word for word."
JJ "Yeah?"
JH "Think about it. Troy Vincent is like, a broken record. Hey do you think if I challenged him do you think he would say he's not impressed with me? He has no idea who I am. I can like.....bench press a car! And not a one of those fucking Fiat cars either, or one of those Smart cars! I'm talking like a 59 Caddy! Pick that shit up over my head and throw it at him."
JJ "okay."
JH "I work out so damn much, I have to push myself into doing stuff no one else does. I can bench 850! What can you bench Joe?"
JJ "Oh I have no idea."
JH "I do! Like.....300 tops! Dead lift man!"
JJ "okay."
JH "I can squat like a grand! Look at my legs! They are fucking huge!"
JJ "I know."
JH "I'm telling you Joey there isn't one fucker in the UWL I couldn't body slam! I'm not talking about some lazy ass slam either, I'm talking about a giant rib tearing press slam! You remember when Hulk Hogan slam Andre?"
JJ "Yup."
JH "I could press slam that fat fuck! No problem, no problem at all. I wouldn't even notice that I press slammed Andre the Giant. You know how the Ultimate Warrior would lift his opponent above his head and rip a couple of reps with them before dropping them behind him?"
JJ "Yup."
JH "I would do that to Andre! Hell I could do that right fucking now to the Big Show!"
JJ "Okay."
Joe goes back to turning out Jeffery. He means well and he does push Joe in the gym into not being lay. But man he does go off about the dumbest shit but from time to time he makes a decent point. Joe finishes his set and sets the dumb bell down and stands up. He picks up his towel and his water bottle.
JH "Strongest man in the world....he ain't shit! I can do what ever that guy does and more!"
JJ "SO uhmm, I'm going to hit the shower and get some lunch. You in?"
JH "I'm not sweaty."
JJ "uhhhhh okay?"
JH "I don't need a shower but I'll do lunch."
JJ "That's what I meant."
JH "OH! Thought you meant if I wanted a shower."
JJ "uhm.....you think about where we go for lunch okay?"
JH "Yeah no problem! I can do that Joey! Hell yeah I can do that!"
Joe walks off and Hatemonger goes back to picturing himself press slamming Troy Vincent......
Scene opens up with Double J holding up his "I'm not here to impress any of you mother fuckers" T shirt he broke out a couple of weeks ago against Troy Vincent. The shirt fills the screen.
"Do you remember this Troy? I got this when all you talked about was how I haven't done anything to impress you. As if my only goal in the UWL was to impress you."
Double J lowers the shirt. Joe mugs now fills the screen. He's sporting shades and the curl in his hair is extra greasy today.
"We both know how this ended. It ended with every fan of the UWL talking about how I scored a upset and you brushing off the "Well there is always next year." line. You're little speech of how I haven't impressed you, is no more. But just the other day, when you were flapping your gums, telling the world of how much you love Caleb Hart and how you two are going to roll over and blast Parker and I and bask in the after glow of how much you respect the hell out of Hart. There was something in your speech that bothered me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it till Jeff pointed it out."
Joe smirks.
"You're nothing but a broken record. The mighty and great Troy Vincent is nothing more than a uncreative broken record. The UWL books a match between you and I and all you talk about is how I'm out of my league, how I haven't done a single damn thing to earn your respect, how I've done nothing to impress you. How I'm all talk and I will soon learn what it feels like to be in the ring with a legend. Or was it a Icon? I can't remember. Our first meeting, you won. But when the cup started up and our first match in the cup was you and me, guess what I heard all over again? Yup, still not impressed, but you did give me a nod at being a hard worker but for the most part Troy it was the same song and dance. The second time around Troy how did it end?"
Joe scowls as he pauses.
"SO this week here we are, the two new love birds being all hot and bothered for each other waxing poetic about how they almost became a stable with Drew.....up against myself and unlikely tag team partner Wolf Parker. While it is true I don't love Wolf Parker as much as you Troy is in love with Caleb Hart, I think we can put aside our differences for one night to beat the hell out of you two. But the other day when you addressed Wolf Parker, you said everything pretty much you said to me a few weeks ago. So tell me Troy is the whole "I haven't seen anything that impresses me" your go to line against all the news guys in the UWL? It has to be because I can't help but notice that you, being a former UWL Champion and all can't seem to get him out of the lower ranks in the UWL. First me, then Hart, now Wolf Parker. What are you going to tell Smark Mark? Let me guess, Not impressed. You live in a little bubble Troy. A bubble that you blew around yourself where you think you're the best damn thing to ever walk into the UWL. It's a bubble that shields you from the outside world, a world in which things are happening. If you're as GREAT as you THINK you are, then why is it you have no shot in winning the Cup this year? If you're so great why is it El Douche Baggo fucked with Cocheese and almost got a title shot out of it ahead of you? If you're so great, how come Justin Brooks crawled out from under the rock he's been living under and is getting his hands on Cocheese? I thought you were so great around here Troy that you and only you can hold onto that UWL World title. This week Troy, I will burst your bubble again and show not only you but everyone in the back that you are nothing.....but a inflated ego."
Joe wets his lips.
"Then there is Caleb Hart who also lives in a fantasy world. Greatest UWL TV Champion? Really? So tell me Greatest UWL TV Champion how many times have you defended that title? What was that? Once? Just once? Wow! That's awesome seeing that it's supposed to be defended weekly. You fought a guy who barely showed up for the match, who held onto the title not even long enough for them to put his name on it, and you have defended it one time. Cocheese is defending his title by accident these days while you have some how skated under the radar, never has to defend his title and somehow you think you're the greatest? I love how you two think you have this match in the bag. You two seem to think just because I don't see eye to eye with Wolf Parker that we somehow can't win this match. You keep tell yourself Hart how I have no shot in winning this match because I haven't beaten you. I know you wear that feather in your cap with pride. I hope it will help you sleep Friday night because Saturday, when Wolf Parker and I beat this super group you two put together, it will be the start of your nightmare. Saturday night will mark the end of your reign as the UWL TV Champion. As soon as this Coronation cup bull shit is over with, the only thing that will stand before me is you and that TV title. Then I can throw a party on the beach in Miami and tell all my friends how many TV titles I have. The same number as you Hart, and when I do take the TV title from you, you will know along with everyone in the locker room that I busted my ass off to win that title. It is a hard long road to get my hands on that title and there will be no doubt in anyone's mind that I didn't earn that title. The road for me to get that title is tougher than you actually being the champion."
Joe runs his hand through his hair and wets his lips one more time.
"And Wolf Parker. I know you're bent at me. I know you want a piece of me. But Wolf, I am willing to put the bad blood between us aside for one night. There is no reason why the two of can't work together in beating their asses! Unlike Hart and Vincent who have very little tag team experience.....I am a 4 time tag team champion. I once teamed up with a guy who I battled over with for the BLPW World title to become the tag team champions. Even though we teamed up I still didn't like that guy, but we made one hell of a tag team and held onto the titles forever. Together, we will win. Together we will send a message not only to Troy and Caleb but to everyone in the UWL. A message that we can talk the talk AND walk the walk. Just don't be surprised Wolf even after Troy is on his back looking up at the lights that he's still not impressed with you."
Fade to Black.
Green Man's jeep rolls into the parking lot for his body man in town. He pulls up to the front of the building and shuts the engine down. Green Man and Joe climb out of the jeep.
JJ "So it's done?"
GM "He called yesterday, said my baby was all done!"
JJ "Cool."
We fast forward a little bit, no one wants to see the Hi and How are you, How's my car, I need some money, come on let's go look at it. Sitting in the bay off of the office is Green Man's totally rebuilt and freshly painted 1968 Ford Fairlane. Foose wheels, air ride all around, pearl white paint and tinted windows. She looks fine. A bored .30 over 289 with Holley's fuel injection, 4 on the floor and all leather interior is more than enough to make a grown man cry. As they walk out into the garage where the car is sitting Green Man's eyes get wide and his jaw drops.
Body Man...Ken "Well here she is."
GM "Oh man.....Oh man.....Damn dude she looks nice."
Joe whistles as he steps out into the garage.
Ken "She came out pretty good. I was real surprised at how straight she was. There was one spot in the quarter but it wasn't nothing big."
GM "She looks lovely. I love it. Man you out did yourself this time."
Ken "Thanks. Check this out."
Ken who has the key hits a button on the key fob and it let's the air out of the bags lowering the car 3-4 inches. It doesn't sit on the floor but it comes close.
GM "Nice! That looks better now than when I put them in."
Ken "I knew you would love that."
GM "Boy do I! So can I drive it?"
Ken "She's all yours. I got paid, we're all good."
Ken tosses Green Man the keys and rips open the driver's side door and climbs into the car. It fires right up and the air bag fill back up with air. Green Man dumps the clutch and drives out of the garage and onto the street where he kicks it sideways and lights it up as he tears ass down the street. Joe slowly wanders out of the garage with Ken as Ken laughs watching the old man tear it up.
JJ "Guess I have the jeep."
Oh the big news!
Inside Joe's gym which is really Hatemonger's gym where Joe is getting a work out in and Hatemonger just won't shut the fuck up!
JH "I'm telling you Michaels took Hart to school! The battle of the champions that everyone was talking about ended up being the Heritage Champion school the lesser talented TV champion!"
JJ "okay."
JH "Pinned him cleanly Joey! CLEANLY! I don't think Hart knew what hit him!"
JJ "Okay."
JH "To be honest Joey, I haven't paid any attention to Jason Michaels but man, he is impressive! I wonder if Troy is impressed by him? You know how he says to everyone how he's not impressed by you, well not you but his opponent....like how he told off Wolf Parker this week. Sounded like he was talking to you a month or so ago."
Joe was doing curls at the time and he stops as he was pretty much tuning Hatemonger out but what he just said made sense.
JH "You know not to get off topic about how awesome Jason is but you know when I heard Troy the other day talking about Wolf Parker, everything he said, he said to you, almost word for word."
JJ "Yeah?"
JH "Think about it. Troy Vincent is like, a broken record. Hey do you think if I challenged him do you think he would say he's not impressed with me? He has no idea who I am. I can like.....bench press a car! And not a one of those fucking Fiat cars either, or one of those Smart cars! I'm talking like a 59 Caddy! Pick that shit up over my head and throw it at him."
JJ "okay."
JH "I work out so damn much, I have to push myself into doing stuff no one else does. I can bench 850! What can you bench Joe?"
JJ "Oh I have no idea."
JH "I do! Like.....300 tops! Dead lift man!"
JJ "okay."
JH "I can squat like a grand! Look at my legs! They are fucking huge!"
JJ "I know."
JH "I'm telling you Joey there isn't one fucker in the UWL I couldn't body slam! I'm not talking about some lazy ass slam either, I'm talking about a giant rib tearing press slam! You remember when Hulk Hogan slam Andre?"
JJ "Yup."
JH "I could press slam that fat fuck! No problem, no problem at all. I wouldn't even notice that I press slammed Andre the Giant. You know how the Ultimate Warrior would lift his opponent above his head and rip a couple of reps with them before dropping them behind him?"
JJ "Yup."
JH "I would do that to Andre! Hell I could do that right fucking now to the Big Show!"
JJ "Okay."
Joe goes back to turning out Jeffery. He means well and he does push Joe in the gym into not being lay. But man he does go off about the dumbest shit but from time to time he makes a decent point. Joe finishes his set and sets the dumb bell down and stands up. He picks up his towel and his water bottle.
JH "Strongest man in the world....he ain't shit! I can do what ever that guy does and more!"
JJ "SO uhmm, I'm going to hit the shower and get some lunch. You in?"
JH "I'm not sweaty."
JJ "uhhhhh okay?"
JH "I don't need a shower but I'll do lunch."
JJ "That's what I meant."
JH "OH! Thought you meant if I wanted a shower."
JJ "uhm.....you think about where we go for lunch okay?"
JH "Yeah no problem! I can do that Joey! Hell yeah I can do that!"
Joe walks off and Hatemonger goes back to picturing himself press slamming Troy Vincent......
Scene opens up with Double J holding up his "I'm not here to impress any of you mother fuckers" T shirt he broke out a couple of weeks ago against Troy Vincent. The shirt fills the screen.
"Do you remember this Troy? I got this when all you talked about was how I haven't done anything to impress you. As if my only goal in the UWL was to impress you."
Double J lowers the shirt. Joe mugs now fills the screen. He's sporting shades and the curl in his hair is extra greasy today.
"We both know how this ended. It ended with every fan of the UWL talking about how I scored a upset and you brushing off the "Well there is always next year." line. You're little speech of how I haven't impressed you, is no more. But just the other day, when you were flapping your gums, telling the world of how much you love Caleb Hart and how you two are going to roll over and blast Parker and I and bask in the after glow of how much you respect the hell out of Hart. There was something in your speech that bothered me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it till Jeff pointed it out."
Joe smirks.
"You're nothing but a broken record. The mighty and great Troy Vincent is nothing more than a uncreative broken record. The UWL books a match between you and I and all you talk about is how I'm out of my league, how I haven't done a single damn thing to earn your respect, how I've done nothing to impress you. How I'm all talk and I will soon learn what it feels like to be in the ring with a legend. Or was it a Icon? I can't remember. Our first meeting, you won. But when the cup started up and our first match in the cup was you and me, guess what I heard all over again? Yup, still not impressed, but you did give me a nod at being a hard worker but for the most part Troy it was the same song and dance. The second time around Troy how did it end?"
Joe scowls as he pauses.
"SO this week here we are, the two new love birds being all hot and bothered for each other waxing poetic about how they almost became a stable with Drew.....up against myself and unlikely tag team partner Wolf Parker. While it is true I don't love Wolf Parker as much as you Troy is in love with Caleb Hart, I think we can put aside our differences for one night to beat the hell out of you two. But the other day when you addressed Wolf Parker, you said everything pretty much you said to me a few weeks ago. So tell me Troy is the whole "I haven't seen anything that impresses me" your go to line against all the news guys in the UWL? It has to be because I can't help but notice that you, being a former UWL Champion and all can't seem to get him out of the lower ranks in the UWL. First me, then Hart, now Wolf Parker. What are you going to tell Smark Mark? Let me guess, Not impressed. You live in a little bubble Troy. A bubble that you blew around yourself where you think you're the best damn thing to ever walk into the UWL. It's a bubble that shields you from the outside world, a world in which things are happening. If you're as GREAT as you THINK you are, then why is it you have no shot in winning the Cup this year? If you're so great why is it El Douche Baggo fucked with Cocheese and almost got a title shot out of it ahead of you? If you're so great, how come Justin Brooks crawled out from under the rock he's been living under and is getting his hands on Cocheese? I thought you were so great around here Troy that you and only you can hold onto that UWL World title. This week Troy, I will burst your bubble again and show not only you but everyone in the back that you are nothing.....but a inflated ego."
Joe wets his lips.
"Then there is Caleb Hart who also lives in a fantasy world. Greatest UWL TV Champion? Really? So tell me Greatest UWL TV Champion how many times have you defended that title? What was that? Once? Just once? Wow! That's awesome seeing that it's supposed to be defended weekly. You fought a guy who barely showed up for the match, who held onto the title not even long enough for them to put his name on it, and you have defended it one time. Cocheese is defending his title by accident these days while you have some how skated under the radar, never has to defend his title and somehow you think you're the greatest? I love how you two think you have this match in the bag. You two seem to think just because I don't see eye to eye with Wolf Parker that we somehow can't win this match. You keep tell yourself Hart how I have no shot in winning this match because I haven't beaten you. I know you wear that feather in your cap with pride. I hope it will help you sleep Friday night because Saturday, when Wolf Parker and I beat this super group you two put together, it will be the start of your nightmare. Saturday night will mark the end of your reign as the UWL TV Champion. As soon as this Coronation cup bull shit is over with, the only thing that will stand before me is you and that TV title. Then I can throw a party on the beach in Miami and tell all my friends how many TV titles I have. The same number as you Hart, and when I do take the TV title from you, you will know along with everyone in the locker room that I busted my ass off to win that title. It is a hard long road to get my hands on that title and there will be no doubt in anyone's mind that I didn't earn that title. The road for me to get that title is tougher than you actually being the champion."
Joe runs his hand through his hair and wets his lips one more time.
"And Wolf Parker. I know you're bent at me. I know you want a piece of me. But Wolf, I am willing to put the bad blood between us aside for one night. There is no reason why the two of can't work together in beating their asses! Unlike Hart and Vincent who have very little tag team experience.....I am a 4 time tag team champion. I once teamed up with a guy who I battled over with for the BLPW World title to become the tag team champions. Even though we teamed up I still didn't like that guy, but we made one hell of a tag team and held onto the titles forever. Together, we will win. Together we will send a message not only to Troy and Caleb but to everyone in the UWL. A message that we can talk the talk AND walk the walk. Just don't be surprised Wolf even after Troy is on his back looking up at the lights that he's still not impressed with you."
Fade to Black.