Post by Steve Sinclair on Dec 24, 2013 14:53:25 GMT
Dec 5 2012
It’s moments before Double J and Nanook is to start their little promo for Bruise Cruise. For Double J he has a shot at the ESW Tag Team titles when he teams up with Tommy Purr. For Nanook, he has his 3rd annual over board match against Brian Karagias. Today Joe and Nanook have decided to have some fun, throw some shots at Amber and Greyson while promoting Bruise Cruise. They meet on the stage in front of a green screen. Nanook is his usual self. Big and round but well dressed in a suit and tie. Joe on the other hand didn’t get so dressed up. Jeans, wife beater and fresh multi colored cornrows on his head.
Nanook “You died your corn rows?”
JJ “Yeah why not? If we’re going go by the name Rainbow Warriors then I need to have a rainbow don’t I?”
Nanook “But on your head?”
JJ “I could dig around in Hatemonger’s closet for his rainbow colored fanny pack.”
Off camera we hear someone say “Are you guys ready?”
JJ “Yeah!”
Joe and Nanook take their places. “And in 3, 2, 1…”
Nanook “HEEEELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO Everyone out there in the Interweb land! I see your hours of searching and googling for porn have landed you here!”
JJ “On the hottest and best wrestling site in all of the WWW!”
Nanook and JJ “ESW ONLINE Dot COM!”
Joe and Nanook high five each other.
Nanook “Yes it is me, the man with the sexy voice, abs of steel..”
JJ “Or a steel drum.”
Nanook “Who puts the boom in Boomrific! The man, the myth, your wet dream coming to a bed near you! The guy who is going to throw Brian Karagias and his dirty flea ridden hat over board at Bruise Cruise, NANOOK!”
JJ “Brian Kar-rek-gas does a have a dirty nasty ass hat doesn’t he? Good lord old mighty that is one smelly hat!”
Nanook “A hat that smells so bad it out smells Hoshi!”
JJ “Even Hoshi says Damn that hat smells!”
Nanook “Like a four day old tuna factory. That’s how bad that hat stinks! And much like the man who wears it, he stinks too!”
JJ “It’s nice to know that we work for a company Nanny that believes in giving some of employees a helping hand in personal hygiene.”
Nanook “Did you just call me Nanny?”
JJ “Nanny. Like a goat because you will eat anything.”
Nanook “Except for Hoshi. My oh my I won’t go near that thing.”
JJ “What about Octomom’s carnivorous crotch of chaos?”
Nanook “A ride that is fun for the whole family. But back to my opponent and his not so wonderful odor that attack your senses. He and his hat smell so bad.”
JJ “That the guys on the Deadliest Catch would throw him back?”
Nanook “Homeless people bitch about how much he stinks.”
JJ “And when you say stink you mean.”
Nanook “He sucks.”
JJ “And he sucks at….”
Nanook “Winning matches. Listen every time I have to call one of his match I sit there in my big comfy chair and I think to myself, Why is this guy still employed here? He can’t win a big match, a small match, a dark match, or a midget battle royal match. He chokes, he stumbles around the ring, He flops on top of guys.”
JJ “I think that is his whole strategy by the way.”
Nanook “I have seen this guy lose match after match after match and this week at Bruise Cruise, it will be no different because it will be time for Brian’s yearly bath when I pick him up, hold my breath and throw ESW’s redneck over board!”
JJ “If he hits that cannon ball I’ll give a 6, 7 with no splash.”
Nanook “Yeah that splashless cannon ball is hard to pull off.”
JJ “And after my boy here wins his match you the fans at home can watch the Rainbow Warriors pick up the ESW Tag Team titles! I don’t know what Amber’s problem is.”
Nanook “No Hammer, mood swings, Could it be menopause?”
JJ “Nah she’s just teamed up with a douchbag. But Amber you need to CTFO!”
Nanook “Whoooooo Let me Tweet that!”
JJ “That’s chill the fuck out Amber. I know you probably got excited when you heard the word Grey than got drier than a desert when you learned it wasn’t Christian and your 50 shades of Grey fantasy fizzled into nothingness like Snookie’s boobs when the demon spawn was born, But this hostility you have for me afraid that I’m going to bend Tommy over and fuck him….”
Nanook “Uhmmmm I’m going to go out on a limb and just say that Tommy just might, like that.”
JJ “…over…..is just ridiculous. I don’t know where you have been that last couple months but have you not seen Tommy and I bond of the last couple shows? Next to the time many many moons ago when I teamed up with one used-to-be Hot Stuff Shawn Sanders and dominated the BLPW Tag ranks, Tommy is by far the best partner”
Nanook “PARtner?”
JJ “Tag partner I have ever had and the idea, the thought and the moment when we capture the ESW Tag Team championships is going to be freaking awesome! The ESW might have to retire the tag titles when we win them because let’s be honest who in this place is going to beat us?”
Nanook “Like No one!”
JJ “And Greyson. Like serious dude. Stop playing the Woe is me card. No one cares that everyone is picking on you. No one cares that in your mind you think everyone is out to get you. Why don’t you do all of us a favor and go lock yourself in your room and play some AFI, Cure, Sister of mercy…”
Nanook “That stuff might be too deep for him dude.”
JJ “You’re right. You would be better off with some Bullet for my Valentine, Black veil brides or Fall out boys to mock cut yourself with a razor blade. Of course if you really did hack your wrists up and bleed out you would be doing all of a huge favor!”
Nanook “Remember up and down if you’re really serious.”
JJ “At the end of every rainbow is a pot of gold, and this rainbow will be no different. At Bruise Cruise Karagias will get a bath, and there will be new ESW Tag Team Champions! Consider yourself warned!”
FTB.
It’s moments before Double J and Nanook is to start their little promo for Bruise Cruise. For Double J he has a shot at the ESW Tag Team titles when he teams up with Tommy Purr. For Nanook, he has his 3rd annual over board match against Brian Karagias. Today Joe and Nanook have decided to have some fun, throw some shots at Amber and Greyson while promoting Bruise Cruise. They meet on the stage in front of a green screen. Nanook is his usual self. Big and round but well dressed in a suit and tie. Joe on the other hand didn’t get so dressed up. Jeans, wife beater and fresh multi colored cornrows on his head.
Nanook “You died your corn rows?”
JJ “Yeah why not? If we’re going go by the name Rainbow Warriors then I need to have a rainbow don’t I?”
Nanook “But on your head?”
JJ “I could dig around in Hatemonger’s closet for his rainbow colored fanny pack.”
Off camera we hear someone say “Are you guys ready?”
JJ “Yeah!”
Joe and Nanook take their places. “And in 3, 2, 1…”
Nanook “HEEEELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO Everyone out there in the Interweb land! I see your hours of searching and googling for porn have landed you here!”
JJ “On the hottest and best wrestling site in all of the WWW!”
Nanook and JJ “ESW ONLINE Dot COM!”
Joe and Nanook high five each other.
Nanook “Yes it is me, the man with the sexy voice, abs of steel..”
JJ “Or a steel drum.”
Nanook “Who puts the boom in Boomrific! The man, the myth, your wet dream coming to a bed near you! The guy who is going to throw Brian Karagias and his dirty flea ridden hat over board at Bruise Cruise, NANOOK!”
JJ “Brian Kar-rek-gas does a have a dirty nasty ass hat doesn’t he? Good lord old mighty that is one smelly hat!”
Nanook “A hat that smells so bad it out smells Hoshi!”
JJ “Even Hoshi says Damn that hat smells!”
Nanook “Like a four day old tuna factory. That’s how bad that hat stinks! And much like the man who wears it, he stinks too!”
JJ “It’s nice to know that we work for a company Nanny that believes in giving some of employees a helping hand in personal hygiene.”
Nanook “Did you just call me Nanny?”
JJ “Nanny. Like a goat because you will eat anything.”
Nanook “Except for Hoshi. My oh my I won’t go near that thing.”
JJ “What about Octomom’s carnivorous crotch of chaos?”
Nanook “A ride that is fun for the whole family. But back to my opponent and his not so wonderful odor that attack your senses. He and his hat smell so bad.”
JJ “That the guys on the Deadliest Catch would throw him back?”
Nanook “Homeless people bitch about how much he stinks.”
JJ “And when you say stink you mean.”
Nanook “He sucks.”
JJ “And he sucks at….”
Nanook “Winning matches. Listen every time I have to call one of his match I sit there in my big comfy chair and I think to myself, Why is this guy still employed here? He can’t win a big match, a small match, a dark match, or a midget battle royal match. He chokes, he stumbles around the ring, He flops on top of guys.”
JJ “I think that is his whole strategy by the way.”
Nanook “I have seen this guy lose match after match after match and this week at Bruise Cruise, it will be no different because it will be time for Brian’s yearly bath when I pick him up, hold my breath and throw ESW’s redneck over board!”
JJ “If he hits that cannon ball I’ll give a 6, 7 with no splash.”
Nanook “Yeah that splashless cannon ball is hard to pull off.”
JJ “And after my boy here wins his match you the fans at home can watch the Rainbow Warriors pick up the ESW Tag Team titles! I don’t know what Amber’s problem is.”
Nanook “No Hammer, mood swings, Could it be menopause?”
JJ “Nah she’s just teamed up with a douchbag. But Amber you need to CTFO!”
Nanook “Whoooooo Let me Tweet that!”
JJ “That’s chill the fuck out Amber. I know you probably got excited when you heard the word Grey than got drier than a desert when you learned it wasn’t Christian and your 50 shades of Grey fantasy fizzled into nothingness like Snookie’s boobs when the demon spawn was born, But this hostility you have for me afraid that I’m going to bend Tommy over and fuck him….”
Nanook “Uhmmmm I’m going to go out on a limb and just say that Tommy just might, like that.”
JJ “…over…..is just ridiculous. I don’t know where you have been that last couple months but have you not seen Tommy and I bond of the last couple shows? Next to the time many many moons ago when I teamed up with one used-to-be Hot Stuff Shawn Sanders and dominated the BLPW Tag ranks, Tommy is by far the best partner”
Nanook “PARtner?”
JJ “Tag partner I have ever had and the idea, the thought and the moment when we capture the ESW Tag Team championships is going to be freaking awesome! The ESW might have to retire the tag titles when we win them because let’s be honest who in this place is going to beat us?”
Nanook “Like No one!”
JJ “And Greyson. Like serious dude. Stop playing the Woe is me card. No one cares that everyone is picking on you. No one cares that in your mind you think everyone is out to get you. Why don’t you do all of us a favor and go lock yourself in your room and play some AFI, Cure, Sister of mercy…”
Nanook “That stuff might be too deep for him dude.”
JJ “You’re right. You would be better off with some Bullet for my Valentine, Black veil brides or Fall out boys to mock cut yourself with a razor blade. Of course if you really did hack your wrists up and bleed out you would be doing all of a huge favor!”
Nanook “Remember up and down if you’re really serious.”
JJ “At the end of every rainbow is a pot of gold, and this rainbow will be no different. At Bruise Cruise Karagias will get a bath, and there will be new ESW Tag Team Champions! Consider yourself warned!”
FTB.