#8 Dick Trickle

"Okay okay, just remember. No mom jokes this week."

"Why was that again? I forgot."

"Because we're under cover and This Kitten Diaz is a high class broad. She deserves respect."

"Oh yeah! Okay I remember now. But [censored] we don't really have to show her too much respect."

"Why's that?"

"Well she lost to Autumn Raven last week. She hasn't won in the UWL and well, we're former tag team champions. Clearly she should show us some respect. I mean if this was the NFL, and Kitten Diaz was Rex Ryan..."

"She would get a contract extension?"

"No she should be fired! You know, if the Jets had a clue what they were doing."

"Right. So....let's review. How many mom jokes are you going to use today?"

"Ten?"

"No..."

"Four!"

"Guess again ghost rider."

"huh...none?"

"There you go! Now put your helmet on. Let's do this."

The lights come up, the screen comes alive and the scene opens up with our former UWL Tag Team Champions standing in a pet cemetery. They look odd without the titles around their waists as they stand in the gateway to the cemetery with their arms crossed.

DJR "You might be asking yourself."

Spotter "Is there something different with our favorite tag team of all time?"

DJR "Before you run into your bedrooms and check the countless posters on your wall to see if you can spot the difference."

Spotter "We'll save you some time. Now I know we look naked without the gold around our waists but Sparkpluggers allow us to reassure you that that is a temporary situation."

DJR "And you have our word on that. This isn't some 30 day guarantee printed on the side of a box. This is like a ten year hundred thousand mile guarantee. Racin' Tyme..."

Spotter "Is the gold standard in tag team wrestling and this is just a slight set back. We will go back to the shop. Check the tires."

DJR "Nut and Bolt everything from top to bottom. Check the timing and check the gap on our plugs and we will be ready for the rematch. We will fire on all cylinders."

Spotter "Traction control will be on and the tires will be extra sticky. Tons grip just biting into the pavement as we just barrel off into the corners."

DJR "Digging deep and having the fire inside us to drive us back to those titles. Shadows. Hammerstorm. You got us last week. You got the big win. I bet you feel real proud of yourselves. All smug and chesty but DAT! Will come to a end."

Spotter "We will talk to everyone. Any one who matters in the UWL. And if that means we have to be Jay's worst nightmare, then so be it! But we will get our rematch one way...."

DJR "Or another."

Spotter "Fact!"

DJR "Now Sparkpluggers you might be wondering what in tarn nation are you doing standing at the front door of a pet cemetery."

Spotter "Well we felt that it was the right place to be for DJR's match this weekend."

DJR "Because this is what we like to call foreshadowing."

Spotter "And this being Halloween and all it just adds to the creepy level."

DJR "My opponent this week is some FNG to the UWL. A Kitten Diaz."

Spotter "Have I ever told you that I don't like cats?"

DJR "Me either except when they lay in my lap and purr real loudly. It tickles."

Spotter "Or when they sit in the kitchen for hours on end just waiting for that mouse that is hiding under the fridge to poke it's head out and the cat is like....BAM! Dead mouse."

DJR "Or when you're at the sink washing dishes and the cat rubs up against your legs because it wants some water or is hungry and it like, tickles and stuff."

Spotter "Or how about when you pick up a cat and it head butts you. That is pretty rad too. It's like, a cat's fist bump just to tell you how awesome you are."

DJR "Yeah that is cool too. So...uhm. Yeah I like cats I can't lie."

Spotter "Yeah me too! I have like 3 of them at home."

DJR "I have two! Leo and Bougus!"

Spotter "NO WAY! ME TOO!!!!"

DJR "GET OUT!"

Spotter "Man...how in the world did we end up with cats with the same name?"

DJR "Yeah....cuz that is like weird and stuff."

Spotter "Yeah...."

Awkward moment of silence.

DJR "So.....yes. Kitten Diaz. Yes. I heard you last week talkin' all sorts of stuff about Autumn Raven. I heard yo talkin' about how you were going to win and tear down the place but you know, when it came down to game time."

Spotter "You kinda came up lacking. A little lackluster."

DJR "And sweetheart Ima tellin' ya right here and right now. Dat sort of effort dis week against me."

Spotter "Will get you hurt."

DJR "Knocked into the middle of next week."

Spotter "Callin' your doctor."

DJR "Askin' him what happened because for all you know."

Spotter "You just got you behind spanked! But I'm sure...."

DJR "REALLY? You're going to go there? A spanking joke?"

Spotter "What? It's all tongue and cheek."

DJR "I said we were going to show her some respect!"

Spotter "But what if she likes a good spanking and wants to hook up after the match? Hey man some chicks are into spanking."

DJR "Isn't she married or something?"

Spotter "No clue."

DJR "I don't know what to do with you. Listen Kitten, I'm sorry for what my partner just said. That is not a accurate representation of who we are as a tag team."

Spotter is holding the universal "Call me" hand sign up.

DJR "But this weekend I will officially welcome you to the UWL, by beating you and sending you to a early grave and since your name is Kitten Diaz, I'm thinking you'll find peace here. Where dead kitties and puppies go. At the end of the day you are nothing more than a Lugnutter. You couldn't be a Sparkplug if you tried. If Autumn Raven held your hand and helped you, you would still be a lug nut and we're not lug nuts."

Spotter "Roger that."

DJR "We're Spark plugs. We make things happen. We're winners. First on race day, team numero uno. We will take back the championships and the road to the UWL Tag Team Titles begin this week when I.....DJR."

Spotter pulls out his phone and plays a clip that sounds like EC3's theme music except that Winner is repeated several times.

DJR "take you by the tail, twirl you in the air and slam you into the mat and cover you for the 3 count! And do you know why?"

Spotter "It's because it's time."

DJR "Sweet baby Jesus riding a Honda Civic through a car wash it's time!"

DJR and Spotter "IT'S RACIN' TYME!

Fade out.