#19 Carl Edwards

The parking lot is busy. Super busy. Like Black Friday at the mall and the new Iphone 56 is on sale half off busy and standing next to his rental looking at the store is NASCAR Billy. He is staring at the store front and takes his Dale JR Diet Mountain Dew hat off of his head and scratches his hair that he hasn't cut in a while now along with his chin whiskers and Billy looks all sorts of confused.

"That doesn't look like Wal Marts." Billy says as he reaches in his back pocket, not for his can of chew but for his phone. He swipes it.

"Okay Google now!" Billy says prompting his phone to wake up.

"Search Wal Marts." He says and his phone makes all sorts of noises and the screen pops up a locator and pin points where the nearest Wal Mart is, which just happens to be where he is at. Billy looks at his phone, looks at the store. Looks all around him and is confused.

"Dis isn't Wal Marts! I know Wal Marts. Dis isn't it. Google you are stupid. Dat doesn't even say Wal Marts. It says Sei.....See....ya? Cy ya? Whatever, All I knows dis isn't Wal Marts."

Even though it doesn't say Wal Mart, it looks like Wal Mart. The colors, the lay out, the size, it screams Wal Mart. Billy heads on inside any ways where he finds a huge seafood section like nothing you would ever find in the states. Inside, everything reminds him of Wal Mart so maybe his phone wasn't lying after all. Billy scans the lay out and makes his way over to the hardware department. Everything is in Japanese but Billy knows he is in the right spot when he spots the paint counter. He slowly makes his way up and down the isles till he finds what he looking for.

"Ahh here we go. Dis right here is what I need. Goggles." Billy says as he picks up a package of safety goggles. He opens the package and tries on the goggles and as you would guess, he looks like a dork.

"I have a feeling dat I will be needed these dis week. It would seem after last night everyone in the UWL might want to stock up on these bad boys. I don't know what it is, We come to Japan for a couple of shows and suddenly there is this mysterious powder flying all over the place blinding everyone in sight......if they could only have seen it coming!" Billy smirks as he finds what he just said funny.

"If they only had something to protect der eyes! Well momma didn't raise a dummy. I see a problem in the UWL and I'm gunna get out in front of the issue and make sure it doesn't affect me! Steve Sinclair....." Billy pauses as he has a bad taste in his mouth after saying his name.

"I'll deal with him in a bit. But Steve got blinded during our match....well our so called match. Den while I was sitting in the back watching the main event. What did I see? Chris Nichols get something in his eyes too! I was stunned. You know someone needs to do something about this! All I's knows is that dis week, Saturday night in my match. Ain't no powder gettin' in my eyes! Yeah not with these bad boys!" Billy taps the goggles with his index finger.

"Now you might be askin' yerself. Billy why you need them there goggles this week for? Well. As luck would have it. I. NASCAR Billy. Will go one on one!" Billy poses, raising one hand above his head and pointing towards the sky.

"With a guy who has done it all in the UWL. He has been the face of the UWL, he is the history book of the history of the UWL. Not too many people have too many bad things to say about my opponent dis week. Well except for maybe Ray Harlan. Ima pretty sure Ray might have a thing or two to say about my opponent. Mister UWL himself. Josh Eagles." Billy was slowly walking out of the isle and stops. He looks down on the bottom shelve of the side counter and spots something he could use. He bends over and picks up a full clear face mask. He slides that over his hat and has this big plastic shield covering his face.

"I might need this too. I'm serious! I'm not joking around. This week it's serious! I have to be on my A game this week. This is the week I have been waitin' fer. This is the week I have been bustin' my hump fer. This is the week in which everything finally.....finally pay off for NASCAR Billy! And boy the UWL. The UWL needs me, needs NASCAR Billy to be it's hero. Everyone saw what happened Josh. It was clear as day. Everyone but Chris and Ray saw it coming. Oh yeah!" Billy reaches in his back pocket.

"I was thinkin' about you Ray. It must be real awkward to see your momma going out with the new TV champion. I know how much you love your momma. I love my momma and when I came home when I was a little kid and saw her with my uncle Eddie who delivers fuel oil and they were naked and making all sorts of noises in the bedroom. It made me feel weird too because I only got to see Uncle Eddie once or twice a year.....when he delivered fuel oil for the winter. It's funny because I never did see Uncle Eddie at any family reunion and no one knew he was....." Billy thinks that over for a second. He shrugs and pulls a box of sandwich bags.

"So Ray! I am thinkin' about ya. Ima knows how it feels to be in your shoes so I looked around the family planning section and well.....I couldn't find it. So I gots Josh these. Zip Lock baggies. I have a cousin who swears by these! He tells me he has never had one break on em and he ain't gots no kids. Could you imagine if your momma got knocked up and Josh ended up as your step daddy! And Josh. These can also pull double duty buddy! You see." Billy just opens the box open and pulls out one of the baggies.

"Not only can one of these keep ya from being Ray's little brother baby daddy. But you can also keep all of your teeth in them! Now I know what you're thinking! Billy why would Josh Eagles need to keep his teeth in a zip lock baggie? Well the answer is as simple as this."

Billy takes off the face shield and just places it where ever on the shelve next to him and he pulls the goggles off and sets them on top of his hat.

"This week I get a shot at the UWL TV title! You might proclaim this to be the year of the eagle but from where I'm standin'. It's the year of the Billy! You see first Ima getting rid of Steve Sinclair from the UWL! I'm climbing the ladder and winning back my contract. My freedom and riddin' the UWL of Steve! I can't have a metaphor any more clearer than me climbing a ladder to the top of the UWL. It's so clear that even Chris Nichols can see it. And that is why Josh will need a baggie or two to keep his teeth in cuz Ima coming out swingin'! Someone is losing' their teeth and it sure as hell ain't me!" Billy holds the baggie up and looks at it.

"Yeah. I think you can keep all of yer teeth in it Josh. I'll give one to the ref so he pick em up off of the mat during the match. Now look. Maybe I missed something. I don't know what happened to ya during that match against Monster Max. Maybe you got hit one too many times in the head." Billy says as he taps the side of his head.

"But to turn your back on the fans of the UWL. To slap em in the face like you just did last night, you didn't have to do that. To have your side kick blind Nichols like that.....odds are you might have won thet match last night anyways. Why not win it with some honor. Win it like you have won every other title in your career. Win it the Josh Eagles way. To....turn your back on the fans. You are just following Monster Max. You are just becoming another Steve Sinclair in the UWL. All about yourself. Selfish. In it just fer yourself, which, yeah I know we all kinda are but you know. Those kids in the front row wearin' the Josh Eagles shirts. They looked up to you. They respected you. Now what do you have?"

Billy tosses the baggie away.

"Nuttin'. Just Ray's mom? And a ill gotten TV title. We have enough guys who think they are going to rule the world in the UWL. I heard Steve last night. You sounded almost like him. And you both sound pretty close to Monster Max. I'm just one guy. A guy who has a seven foot four inch problem and I can only deal with one problem at a time and in two weeks. I will solve one problem. But this week. I'll multi task. Multi task for the greater good."

Billy takes the goggles off of his hat.

"Multi task for the UWL."
"For the fans of the UWL."
"To stand up and fight the good fight."
"To show everyone who shows up Saturday night and everyone who watches us on Fox Sports one, and to show Caleb Hart who is at home watchin' that there is one guy in this company who thinks it's worth fightin' for. I will fight for the UWL. I will fight for that UWL TV title and I will do whatever I have to to knock guys like Steve. Guys like you Josh, knock you guys down and show you that the good guys always wins."

Billy places his hands on his hips.

"The start of this trip hasn't gone as I hoped. But you know what? The second half of this trip is going to be awesome.....and I'll show everyone in the UWL that little old NASCAR Billy can, and will beat Josh Eagles and when that happens. You'll be lookin' at the new UWL TV Champion."

Billy nods and picks up the goggles, the face mask and the box of baggies.

"Now where do I check out at?"

Fade out.