#22 Ward Burton

Somehow, someway NASCAR Billy has found a El Camino to rent in Japan! It’s a 79 model and it is a sun beaten dark red color and it smokes and makes all sorts of noises but Billy found himself one to rent for his final week in Japan. He now feels like he is at home sitting behind the wheel of it and he goes to the other place that feels like home to him.


Wal Marts!


Or the Japan version of it. BIlly pulls up to the front of the building like he would back home and pulls into the first handicapped spot he finds and jumps out of his “badass” automobile as it clunks and chatters with detonation. Billy slams the driver side door shut and makes his way into the store, the same store he visited last week to gear up for his match against Josh Eagles and just like last week, Billy made his way all the way towards the back of the store to the hardware department.


Once in hardware Billy heads to the end of the rack where they keep the paint and they have the ladders for sale. Billy places his hands on his hips and looks at the ladders.


"You know! I was thinking I was gunna need those goggles but I really needed was a football helmet. How da UWL is allowing Josh Eagles to get away with what he’s gettin’ away with….”


Billy crosses his arms and tugs on his camo Dale JR #88 Real Trees hat.


"I didn’t know Goodell was da new owner of the UWL But you know what? As much as I would love to stand here and give you ya’ll my thoughts on that dirt bag Josh Eagles I have bigger fish to fry dis week. Da week has finally….”


Billy reaches in his back pocket for his can of Skoal.


"Finally come for all of dis none sense to finally come to an end…..finally. I knows dat der was a lot of finallys in der but gee wiz, god almighty dis has been what? A year in da makin? A year of dat over inflated pompous orangutan pushin’ me around, takin’ my money, wreckin’ my still, takin’ my car, forcin’ me to fight in his matches he’s booked in, skippin’ out on being my tag team partner, havin’ Alan Christopher's bumbling idiots attackin’ me, pile drivin’ Spotter and wreckin’ his neck bull shit will finally come to an end. After Saturday night.”


Billy taps on the top of his can a couple of times with his thumb and pops open the can and takes a pinch of chew and stuffs his lower lip with it. He snaps the top back on his can and slides the can back in his back pocket and wipes his fingers he used to pinch on his pants and looks up at the tallest ladder that Japan Wal-Marts have on display.


"Dis all comes to an end. You want to mock me after my loss to Eagles Steve? Fine. You want to stand der and say I told you so. Whatever. Last week I didn’t beat Eagles. I didn’t win da UWL television title. Go ahead and smirk. Gloat if you need be. But know dis you son of a bitch.”


BIlly drags the ladder out of it’s rack and opens the ladder up and starts to climb up the ladder on the sales floor. Customers and sale associates nearby all stop and look at the crazy American in a red flannel shirt climb a ladder in middle of Wal-Marts.


"You better take a good hard look at dis sight right F’in’ here because dis is what you will be seeing as you’re layin’ on your back. NASCAR Billy climbin’ dis here ladder rung by rung by rung to the top.”


Billy is now sitting on the very top of the ladder. A Sales clerk in Hardware has come over to the ladder and he is looking up at Billy holding his arms out.


"And I’s will be takin’ dat briefcase, da briefcase with my contract in it, da contract signed by Jay Jefferson grantin’ me a new deal with the UWL dat says I am signed by da UWL and I’m no longer under your control! It also says who ever losses our match, which by the way WILL be you must leave da UWL once and for all! I ain’t leavin’ da UWL Steve! I love it here in da UWL! I will leave my mark in dis here sport while winnin’ title after title in da UWL and you will be at home, watchin’ me on Fox Sports one knowin’ dat you lost to me! I will one day beat Josh Eagles. I will address him after I take da trash out first. I am not done with him but and his elbow pad. It might take me a couple of tries but I will avenge Josh Eagles and take dat TV belt, but dis…..dis thing between you and me Steve. It’s over. I’m done with it. I’m done with you. I will win one match in Japan on dis here tour, but it’s da one win I want more den anything. If you think da party I threw when I won the tag belts was big, if you could picture da party I would’ve had if I beat Eagles last week would’ve been like, Saturday night when I win and send ya packin’ dat party…...is gunna be like a New Year and Super Bowl party rolled into one and you will have no one but yourself to blame. Remember Steve.”


Billy stands up while straddling the very top of the ladder.


"Caleb Hart coined it and I own it. If you ain’t first, den you just suck!”


The sale clerk is now yelling at Billy but BIlly has no clue what he is saying. He looks down at the guy who is red in the face and freaking out.


"Hey buddy. Ima gunna need a spit bottle. Where can I find one of those?”


Fade out.