#28 Davey Allison

Thursday night in the infield of Daytona International Speedway. Unless you were buried under a mountain of snow then you know that this Sunday there is a little race called the Daytona 500 and last night in the duels you’ll never believe what happened. The duels in case you didn’t know sort out the starting lineup for the “Great American Race” and in the first duel, which by the way could have been seen on Fox Sports 1.


"JUNIOR!!! JUNIOR!!!! JUNIOR!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! DALE!!!!! JUNIOR!!!!!!”


Won the first duel race meaning he’s starting behind Jeff Gordon in the Daytona 500! And in the infield watching it all go down was his biggest fan NASCAR Billy. You could imagine the party that he must have had. Not even the cold last night could have slowed him down….


But….


In the back 40 in the camping ground inside the race track is Billy’s hauler. It looks silly seeing all of these campers and then suddenly there is a race hauler but Billy has built him a small camper/sleeper unit inside of it and he’s in town for the Duels before he has to get on a plane and fly to Washington for his match against Josh Eagles. The lights around the track are slowly going out and sitting outside of his hauler wearing his jacket and huddled around a campfire is NASCAR Billy. In his hand is a stick with some marshmallows on the end of it and he is holding it over the fire.


"What a night! Man oh man what a night! I got tickets to da duels tonight! I got infield tickets! I got dis here campfire going! Got my truck here with my bad ass race car! And….”


Billy smiles and shakes his head like he still can’t believe it.

"Dale Junior won! He won the first duel and I was here to see it with my own eyes! I don’t get to get out to many races you know so dis week so far has been extra special and being here in person to see my guy Dale Earnhardt Junior pick up da win….”


Billy pulls his marshmallows off of the fire and he brings brings his hands together like he is going to pray and looks up at the heavens.


"Thank you Jesus.”


Billy pulls the marshmallows off of the stick and smooches them on some graham crackers.


"And boy, I want to party it up you know. I have a case of shine in the truck. I have fireworks and some steaks in the cooler and there are a lot of JR fans around here. We could throw one hell of a party. But you know something. I can’t do it. I really want to. I mean I really want to but I can’t. Because if I get my drink on here tonight I’ll still be feeling the effects come Saturday night and well Josh Eagles wouldn’t need his special super duper elbow pad to beat me because I wouldn’t be in tip top shape. No. I won’t give that to Josh. I won’t give him an easy victory like that. If he thinks he’s gunna beat me he’s gunna have to earn it cuz I don’t know if you heard or not but he’s really into earning stuff. So here I am. With some S'mores.”


Billy holds up his S’mores. The chocolate is running down his hand.


"I have my water.”


Billy holds up his bottle of water.


"And I have a fire. Some cheetos and the smell of burning rubber and race fuel in da air. People around me are having a drink or two. They broke out their grills, grillin’ up some burgers and you know the atmosphere here is so….so….”


Billy snaps his fingers looking for the right word. He finally comes up with one.


"American! Dis right here is what someone like Josh Eagles will never understand. He just won’t get it. All he knows is the cold snowy winters gathering firewood and building igloos and watching the penguins marching across their front lawns. They don’t have something like this, something like NASCAR. They have hockey. Ice skating on a pond putting a ball into a net. In the cold no less. No wonder just about every Canadian I know is just miserable. Always negative. They never know how to just kick back and relax and have a good time. It’s always serious and shit. Ain’t no NASCAR around to watch and drink and have a good time too. It’s a night like dis….”


Billy points towards the ground.


"Dat I am proud to be an American! Dis is what life should all be about. Havin’ a good time. We work hard. We play hard. We watch Dale JR win a race and everything in life is a okay. If Dale JR can win his race den someone like me, da underdog in dis here match can also win. Josh Eagles can sit der with Jess and talk about how he got tired of listening to me. He can sit der and say how I didn’t earn dis match. He can sit der and say beating Ray Harlan, like I said I would fer months now means nothing. Josh Eagles can go on and on about how I haven’t earned anything and I should just go back to tag team wrestling but at the end of the night. Come Only the Strong Survive. All of dat talk means nothing! It’s just background noise from Josh Eagles just flapping his gums reminding the newbies how important he is around here.”


Billy takes a drink from his water bottle.


"And da reason why none of dat matters is because Josh Eagles is forgettin’ one thing. One fact. Da UWL, dat UWL Television title, our match is takin’ place in Washington and da last time I check that is in da United States of America! I don’t know if you noticed or not Josh but we have a guy in da White House who makes not earning a damn thing a career in dis here country! You don’t have to do shit and you get rewarded! Hell you don’t even have to fill out paper work anymore. Someone else will do dat for you! Need money? No problem. Healthcare? Look Josh you’re not the only one with free healthcare! I have Obamacare and now Ima covered! See none of da fans dat you turned your back on care dat I have only won 2 matches in the last month or so. Dat isn’t important to them. All dey know is that you used to be the golden child. You used to be one of them, just like them.”


“Den you got old.”


“And crotchy.”


“And you decided you no longer needed them. The fans who helped make who you are today. You know late last year when you and I tagged up, I said it den and I’ll say it now. It was a honor to team up with you. If der was one guy in the history of da UWL I would have tongue kissed Melissa McCarthy to be able to team up for one match, it would have been you. You were….everything that was right with wrestling. Now not so much today. I almost hate to say dis but dude, fer a guy on his farewell tour, you are really really being a douche.”


Billy takes another sip of water and reaches in his back pocket for is can of chew.


"In a span of a few months you have forced da fans to not care fer you and dey want someone….anyone! To beat you and take dat UWL TV title! It doesn’t matter who is in dat ring this week, they want dat person to beat you and take dat belt away from you. Dis matter of earning dis title match has very little to do with it. Hell da fact dat I called you out, took a stand sayin’ I have had enough of your crap was more den enough to earn dis match dis week.”


Billy takes a pinch of chew and stuffs his bottom lip and stands up and pours the rest of his water on the campfire to put it out.


"Our little tour of Japan we just had. I won only one match and it was da match dat counted. Da match dat really mattered. I was winning all of da matches in the Cup of Excellence and last year in the tag team Coronation Cup, I won every single match. You might view me as this curtain jerker who never wins. But I have dis habit of winning da ones dat count. When da lights are bright. I shine just like old glory. Waving proudly in the air. I have a can do attitude.”


Billy’s hauler is towed by a Mack truck. Billy glances at it.


"Like a Mack truck, you can load it down with 20 tons and it will grunt and slowly drag around what every you put in it’s back. It doesn’t quit.”


Billy places his hands on his hips.


"And neither do I. I’ll see you Saturday Josh.”


Billy heads into his hauler to catch some shut eye…..