Post by Steve Sinclair on Jun 26, 2015 14:22:50 GMT
Joe Jones ”You sure about this?”
Nanook ”Trust me. I thought this through.”
Joe Jones “Who is this guy again?”
Nanook “Patrick Mouratoglou.”
Joe Jones “Man that is a mouth full. No wonder Richard loves Tennis. You can get a real good mouthful.”
Nanook “I wouldn’t get too excited about getting anything between your lips.”[/font]
Joe Jones “Not my fault you couldn’t tell Cassidy was a guy.”
Nanook “Yeah a little heads up would have been nice! I swear to god….”
Joe Jones “Oh I bet you got just a little head…”
Nanook “Shut up! Shut up! I’m not talking to you anymore.”[/font]
Joe Jones “Is that your phone?”
Nanook “Sh*t! Hold on. Hello?”[/font]
Joe Jones “Who is it?”
Nanook “Oh hi sweetie. I missed you too.”[/font]
Joe Jones “That “big” Cass?”
Nanook “No it’s my wife Summer! Now shut up! No not yo honey. I would never tell you to shut up. Cass? Why do you ask?”[/font]
Joe Jones “Tell Summer I say Hi.”
Nanook “Big Cass is a guy I was talking too.”[/font]
Joe Jones “Talking…..yeah okay that’s not what I saw.”
Nanook “He’s thinking about getting some training…..Joe? Yeah he’s right here why? My feelings about Cass?”[/font]
Joe Jones “Yeah Nanook, what are your feelings about Big old Cass?”
Nanook “I’m going to kill you f*cking asshole. What? No not you honey. Honestly Summer, I don’t think Cass has what it takes to make it inside the ring.”[/font]
Joe Jones “Funny I heard he was a ground and pound kind of fellow.”
Nanook “Will YOU shut the hell up! I won’t be talking to Cass no more. It just won’t work out.”[/font]
Joe Jones “Did something get in the way Nanook?”
Nanook “I’ll be home Sunday morning. I promise. I love you too. Bye. MOTHER!!!! YOU TOLD HER!!!!!”
Joe Jones “Maybe she wants to meet your new girlfriend too….or is it boyfriend?”
Nanook “I DON’T HAVE A GIRL OR BOY FRIEND! I love Summer. She is my heart and soul.”[/font]
Joe Jones “I’m feeling sick.”
Nanook “What? How? What’s wrong?”
Joe Jones “Well for starters, Summer is your heart and soul, don’t me gag on that lovely dovey stuff and second, these shorts are cramping my balls and they are starting to hurt. I don’t think people play tennis in these blasted things.”
Nanook “I’m telling you they are the same shorts Richard Head wears when he plays tennis. He wore that exact pair the other day at his parents country club.”
Joe Jones “Yeah well I look…..look freaking gay in this get up. Seriously who wears all white!”
Nanook “Richard Head and there are rules in Tennis.”
Joe Jones “That you have to wear all white?”
Nanook “Yes.”
Joe Jones “Tennis is a dumb sport. So who is this guy again?”
Nanook “You heard of Serena Williams right?”
Joe Jones “Yes I have Nanook! I don’t live under a rock and have no clue who the number one rated female tennis player in the world is. I watch Sportscenter you know.”
Nanook “This guy is her coach, and boyfriend.”
Joe Jones “Well alrighty then.”
Stepping out onto the court of the Arthur Ashe Stadium in Flushing NY in the tiniest white shorts and white collar polo shirt is Double J Joe Jones and in his hand is a tennis racket. Nanook is dressed in a suit from the Men’s warehouse so you know, standard issue navy blue suit. Joe walks to the net where Patrick Mouratoglou is waiting for him. He doesn’t look happy either. As Joe walks he tugs on the pant legs of his shorts as they ride up on him “crushing him.”
Nanook “Mister Mouratoglou. It is an honor sir. I have heard so much about you.”[/font]
Nanook extends his hand to shake hands, Patrick just looks at it, not amused.
Patrick Mouratoglou ”I must remind you that I get paid by the hour as soon as I arrived here. I have been standing around for a hour and half now.”
Nanook “Of course. I understand.”
Patrick Mouratoglou “So this is the gentlemen who wishes to get some training for…..I’m sorry. What is it that you said?”
Nanook “Oh Joe here is a professional wrestler.”
Patrick Mouratoglou “Excuse me? Did you say he was a wrestler?”
Nanook “Yes and tomorrow night on Showtime he will face a Richard Head…..king of the court…..big time tennis player? Ring any bells?”
Patrick Mouratoglou “That name doesn’t ring any bells. What does a wrestler have to do with Tennis?”
Nanook “Oh! Richard Head is a tennis player! Best tennis player in the world so he says.”
Patrick Mouratoglou “I see.”
Nanook “And I was hoping you could teach my client here Joe a couple of things about Tennis so he can understand his opponent a little better.”
Patrick looks at Joe who is tugging at his shorts again. He rolls his eyes.”
Patrick Mouratoglou “For wasting my time I will now charge you double for the rest of my day. I have far far more important things to be doing with my time than teaching some knuckleheaded wrestler the fine arts of tennis. Good day gentlemen.”
Patrick begins to walk off and Nanook chases him down.
Nanook “Patrick! Patrick! Look I know this isn’t what you are used too. Joe won’t be winning the US open anytime soon but if you could just look at his serve and maybe give him a pointer. That’s all I ask.
Patrick Mouratoglou “Fine! Tell the neanderthal to serve but quickly! I have somewhere else to be.”
Nanook “Thank you sir! Thank you! Joe show Patrick here your serve!”
Joe Jones “My what?”
Patrick Mouratoglou “Stand behind that white line, toss the ball in the air and hit it with the racket in your hand and hopefully it’ll go over the net. Do this quickly please.”
Joe Jones “Oh. Okay.”
Joe walks over to the far end of the court just behind the white line and Nanook tosses him a ball. He tries to do what he sees on TV, he brings the ball to the racket, making sure his toes aren’t over the line, bends at the knee and tosses the ball up in the air, pauses...pauses….and swings at the ball and misses! After which he tugs at his shorts. Patrick doesn’t look amused.
Patrick Mouratoglou “Good luck with your fight against this….what was his name? Richard Head? I hope you are better at wrestling than you are at Tennis. Gentlemen….good day.”
Patrick walks off the court and disappears. Joe tries to hit the ball again and this time he does, it blasts it like 40 feet in the air and up into the stands on the other end of the court. When Patrick is out of sight Nanook sports a huge smile on his face.
Nanook “I don’t know how much that cost me but it was worth every penny. Now I’m sure that most of our fans of the UWL watching this on their laptops and Iphones are googling Patrick Mouratoglou right now but let me assure you of this. He is the coach to the best tennis player on the face of the planet, male or female and you all saw it for yourself just now. I said the name Richard Head and he had never heard of him and that wasn’t an act folks. That was the honest to god real and truthful reaction just then.”
Joe walks up next to Nanook, tugging at his shorts.
Nanook “When one of the leading coaches in the tennis world don’t know who you are...then how do we know if you are truly who you say you are. For all we know you are this loud mouth arrogant perpetual liar, who has so far gotten lucky in every match you have had in the UWL. But….I think we know who you are Richard and on the surface you might be this spoiled little brat whose parents have money.”
Joe Jones “But deep down you are just this little jealous little child who makes up big over the top stories just to get noticed. You are like all of these kids in the NBA draft last night who just got drafted and the first thing they do is thanks god that his plan is coming together for them, because god cares about the NBA, and this is his master plan for you. If you can’t play in the NBA then all hell is going to break loose. You’ll stand there saying how you stay positive, you’re a winner, a winning player and you’ll instantly help any team that will have you on it because you are just that damn good…..when in reality which is what will happen tomorrow night inside that ring, you will end up being a bust. A scrub player getting mop minutes in blowout games, just good enough to fill out the 12 man roster. A player of inconsequential importance. You come out here and call all of the fans of the UWL UWLosers and while that might get you heat with them..”
Nanook “We just yawn and roll our eyes. Is that the best you can come up with?”
Joe Jones “Everyone in that locker room sees right through you. You’re a joke. A little spoiled brat with a big mouth who is about to get bitched slapped right across the dick sucker. In fact I’ll showcase my backhand tomorrow night in front of the world and know this. Tomorrow night on Showtime at Pure Aggression, it will be me, not you or Ashley who will have the best serve, the best backhand of the night. I and I alone will set the Tennis world afire when I flat out put you on your back for the one two three. Or….better yet, when I lock you in the figure four and force you to swallow your pride and tap out like the little bitch that you are.”
Nanook “Then we’ll see Mr Richard Head who truly is a failure in the UWL.”
Joe can’t take it anymore. He unbuttons and unzips his shorts and pulls them down some.
Joe Jones “You know I can’t do it anymore….I don’t see how he wears these. Unless….he has no balls.”
Joe glances into the camera after saying that.
Joe Jones “Better watch out Dick. You might get asked out by Nanook after this. I heard he has a thing for dudes who tape their junk up.”
Nanook slaps Joe across the chest and storms away all pissed off. Joe can’t help but laugh.
Nanook “You’re an asshole!”
Joe rubs his chest and watches Nanook waddle off the court himself. Joe looks into the camera one last time.
Joe Jones “At least I’m a winning asshole.”
Fade out.