Post by Steve Sinclair on Aug 9, 2015 23:11:15 GMT
Keep up if you can?
Just outside of Knoxville Tennessee on a small farm, outback of the milk house is a small hay barn. It’s red, faded over time and beat up and needs some repairing. It’s in the one corner of the cow pasture and hasn’t been used for a while now. With all of the sapling that are growing up around it, weeds taller than a seven foot giant gives you the impression of that.
But that is where you are wrong.
A old stove pipe sticks out of the south side of the wall and smoke is slowing rising out of the stove pipe. The old building is indeed in use.
A couple of steps away from the old hay barn is a old beat up camper from the 70’s. It has a yawning over the door, a couple of lawn chairs set up around a fire pit, beer cans and empty mason jars litter the “yard”. It’s like a year round camping trip. As we move closer to the camper we hear movement from inside of it. Then we hear a couple of voices.
"Sweetheart I have to do dis. Dis how I make money yo.’
”But right this second? I don’t get it [bleep]....come back to bed.” A female voice says.
“Baby, nuttin’ more would make me more happier den to spend all day in your arms but dis is something I have to do. Don’t worry it’ll only take a couple of minutes.”
”I’ve heard that before.”
“Babe! Come on dey can hear us!”
”I don’t care. What are you doing?”
“Puttin’ my mask on.”
”Why? That is stupid. I don’t get any of this.”
“Just cuz okay? I’ll be right back.”
”Yeah I heard that one too.”
Stepping out of the camper wearing his white mask, no shirt and a pair of faded Wranglers, unbuttoned is DJR. He has a couple of tats on his chest, girls names and some of them are hard to read through his chest hair. His beard is also poking out under his mask. He steps out barefooted of the camper and allows the door to the camper to shut behind him. He walks over to lawn chairs and fire pit where some block of wood make up side tables.
“Welcome to my home abode! Home sweet home in good old Tennessee! I’m DJR, one half of the most awesome, fastest, deadliest tag team to ever step into the EWC and to ever to make der debut on Brawl! Racin’ TYME!”
DJR picks up a beer bottle, shakes it. It’s empty so he tosses into the fire pit.
“And I know what you’re thinkin’. DJR! Where are da race cars! Rest assure kiddies. Da race cars, dey be at da shop. You’re like dis super awesome wrassler and race car driver and der you are, livin’ in a camper on a farm.”
DJR picks up another beer can. He shakes it. He sloshes around some beer inside of it. He sniffs it and it’s old stale beer. He gags a little.
”Whew...man. Dat is nasty right der. Do answer yer question kiddies, I ain’t gots to tell ya dat fundin’ a race team is a cheap business. Every dime I get, from kickin’ ass inside dat ring…..from sellin’ T shirts and my other business…..”
DJR picks up a mason jar and it has like a sip left in it. He chugs it and holds the mason jar up.
“Makin’ a little moonshine, Redneck Remedy, da best damn Shine you will ever get your hands on by da way, All da cash I get from all of dat. I pour into my race team so I can kick ass on da track and let me tell ya something. I kick as much ass on da track as I do in da ring. I live to kick ass. Takin’ names! Kickin’ ass! Winning gold! Dat kiddies is what DJR is all about but right now…..I could use a drink if you know what I mean.”
DJR takes the jar with him as he makes his way to the hay barn.
”You see dis is my uncle’s second cousin’s place and agreed dat I could make my Shine in dis here old barn as long as I cut him into the profits and boy….da EWC is in fer a treat….as soon as dey get der liquor licence so I can push my Shine at da merch tables. Cuz not only Ima badass Shiner. A badass Racer. Ima one hell of wrassler despite what happened last week in da FSW. As far as dat goes.”
DJR pauses at the door leading into the hay barn and is hidden by little tree branches and weeds. He looks at the camera.
”Every dog as it day you know. Even a blind squire finds a nut now and den. Kruser and Jezzabel. Dey just got lucky dat’s all. Happens to all of us now and den. Ain’t nobody perfect but….I mean come on. Look at me. I’m just ‘bout perfect.”
DJR swings open the door and inside the barn is the Shine making headquarters. Two big stills have been set up and one is soaking while the other is simmering. Soon it will be time to fire it up and pump out a fresh batch of Redneck Remedy. DJR walks up to a table that has several cases of full mason jars sitting on them. He reaches in one of the cases and pulls out a jar and unscrews the top.
”Flippy Floppy I wouldn’t buy too much into last week’s results. Hell it was just a debut match in our short lived FSW career. Da man in charge, Ima sure with some pleading’ from Nanook, my agent and best buddy saw dat we were just too damn good fer da FSW. Da EWC like every other wrassling promotion out der is all ‘bout makin’ money and son.”
DJR takes a sip from his Shine. It makes him happy.
”You be lookin’ at money. Spot and I. Dis ain’t our first rodeo. You can’t sweat one little match dat in da long run of stuff, means nuttin’. Dat match and lost against Kruser and his wife. When we’ll be holdin’ up da EWC tag team titles a couple of weeks from now, no one will remember dat match man. Hell, dey won’t even remember dis match we’re ‘bout to have dis week. But today isn’t ‘bout when Racin’ Tyme become da new tag champs. Nah today is ‘bout gettin’ to know me. It’s ‘bout gettin’ to know da new tag team to hit Brawl. It’s ‘bout knowin’ what time it is kids. Cuz der is only one time you need to concern yourselves with. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
DJR sets the jar down and makes his way over to a stack of hickory wood that is all split and stacked. He takes the red and white flannel shirt off of the top of the stack and puts it on.
”You see, You see me. You see da stills. Da Shine. The awesome beard dat drive da ladies crazy and some of you lucky ladies have had da honor of being remember…..”
DJR glances down at his tats as he starts to button up his shirt.
”Call dat my own personal hall of fame list. Only da best of da best get on dat list.”
You can almost see a cheeky smile under his mask.
”You see me and Ima know what you're thinkin’? Really? Dat guy is one of da best when it comes to tag team wrassling? Dat answer is….Yup. One of da best. You see what ya don’t know is dat in a short period of time, I’ve went from workin’ at da county fair, takin’ in a wrasslin’ show to goin’ to England to get trained by some of da best in dis sport to walkin’ into Canada. Tearin’ it up der. Kickin’ ass, takin’ names and if dat place didn’t fold, I would be holdin’ CanXPro gold fer sure. I den headin’ on down to here to Knoxville and I twice held on to da World Tag Team Gold. All of dat in less den two years of being in da ring. In a little over a year I set Knoxville on fire. I became the biggest name with da fans. I was sellin’ da most shirts, Gettin’ da biggest pops of da night. I was main attraction number uno. Dat be a little spanish fer ya by da way. Now me and my buddy Spot, we’re takin’ da show on da road cuz we’re too damn big fer one federation to hold. We’re like a big friggin bird, we just have to spread our wings and fly. And if you wonderin’ what kind of bird we be?”
DJR picks up some wood to throw under the still and fire it up.
”We be like vulchers. Just ready to tear into ya and rip your hearts out and stomp on em. Der is a reason why we be sayin’ Racin’ Tyme is da best tag team in professional wrestling. We aim to hunt out the biggest and best tag titles dis here sport has to offer and take dem. We are here in da EWC fer one thing and one thing only and it be dos tag belts. I don’t care bout dat and dat title, we only have eyes for tag gold. Anything short of dat, is a cryin’ shame. Just like NASCAR, F1, INDY. Da show is in town fer dis weekend and dis weekend only. Come on out and watch to see who wins da race! Here’s a hint. You’re lookin’ at him.”
DJR walks over to the still and opens the door to the handbuilt firebox under it and shoves the chuck of wood under it. He picks up a poker and holds it as he looks up at the camera.
”Yup dis week we be makin’ our Brawl debut. But dat doesn’t change our goal. We came here fer dos tag belts and we weren’t gunna win dem in da FSW. King Flip, Da guy who pooped in his shoe Xavier Reid. I know you look at us and roll your eyes. I know you be thinkin’ we’re a joke. Da….what did you say? Da Los Matadores of Brawl. Listen Flippy. I ain’t never heard of dem posers and if dey showed up on Brawl, we’d school dem asshats. Just like how we’re gunna school you two love birds. Der ain’t no way you two will be able to put aside your differences fer one night and work as a team, especially against a team dat has been together fer 2 years now. You can’t buy dat shit if you know what I mean. You might prance around thinin’ you’re dis king after two weeks on Brawl but you’re about to have a siege upon you, your so called crown is in danger as you’re ‘bout to get over run, bounced into da wall, lapped and flipped over on your roof kid. Just like inside dat ring and on da track. I’m da numero uno buckero. I own dat world. Check yer watches. Call your financial investor. Ask em what time it is and he’ll tell ya.”
DJR stands up and looks right into the camera.
”It’s time…..da best time of the day, da week, da year! It’s Racin’ Tyme! And when we get done with you two One Direction fan boys, it’ll be da best time of your career, da time when you got the piss stomped out of ya by DJR, Spotter. Da biggest, greatest team of ALLL TIME! Racin’ Tyme. See ya Monday night kiddies.”
DJR points at the camera.
”Better bring some sunscreen cuz I’d hate to see you two get burnt.”
Fade out.