vs Autumn Raven

A old dirt road somewhere in the south and this black 2014 Dodge Hellcat comes rumbling down the road kicking up dirt and dust everywhere. It comes to a sliding stop kicking sideways at the very end. The driver’s side door swings open and stepping out of the Hellcat is one HillBilly Sutton.


"What is up everyone!”


Billy pushes the door shut behind him and starts to walk towards the trunk of the car.


”HillBilly Sutton here and I’ve got to tell you that it feels great, I mean GREAT to be back in action here dis week and what is a return to the UWL without facing the one who gives me the most trouble. Autumn Raven. Yeah I know in the past. She gave me all sorts of trouble. Heartache even.”


Billy pops open the trunk of Hellcat and reaches inside of it.


”To be honest with ya, I still have a problem fighting the ladies. Either it be Emma or Autumn. When I get into that ring I am more than ready to start swing. Kicking and beatin’ ya into submission. I am ready as ol' JR would say, stomp a mudhole in ya, but then my eyes, they search the confines of the ring and they see my opponent and they notice that my opponent, has breasts and kinda looks sexy. And when the bell rings they even smell good. This one time in Canada I was booked to face this little minx called Hoshi...and I don’t know what she was wearing. It was my second match of my career and god lord did she smell really good.”


Billy has what appears to be a cardboard cut out in his hand. He pauses and smirks.


”A little too good if you catch my drift. I was so embarrassed. Nanook was laughing and laughing at me, he could barely keep himself upright on the outside cuz he saw what was going on with me. To this day I don’t know if she never noticed what was going on or just choose to ignore what was going on but she never did say anything. I was so messed up after that match because she brought the fight to me. She wasn’t backing down and I was raised to not hit a lady. Yeah despite what you think about me Autumn. I hate these matches against you cuz I don’t think it’s right that I have to hit you, throw you around, slam you down to the mat. I just think it’s wrong. But lucky for you.”


Billy wags his finger towards the camera and unfolds the cardboard cut out in his hand. It being a life size Jessica Larkin one.


”The UWL employes a bitch and as god is my witness. I hate that bitch! So I’m going to train my eyes Autumn. Train my eyes that when they see you, What I am really looking at is Jessica and I so want to slap that smirk off of her face….little disconsending…”


It trails off as to what Billy says. He walks off with the cardboard cutout and cut away from what is going on for a second. In the meantime enjoy these words to live by. They could save your life.





We’re back and Billy is standing by the trunk of Hellcat again and he is folding over the end of duct tape on the roll so you can find it again.


”Yeah now we’re like ready. And here’s a tip for you. Whenever you have a roll of tape and suggest Ducktape by the way because all other kinds of tape are just inferior, do yourself a favor and fold the end over onto itself so you can easily tear off a piece and fix whatever it is you need fixin’. It’s a life savor. Now I’ll show you what I did to help train my eyes for my match against you Autumn. Dis being what? Our 5th match against each other.”


Billy slams the trunk lid on his Hellcat after tossing in the roll of duct tape in it and starts to walk across the field he’s at. He walks up to a tree in middle of the field and duct taped to the tree is a life sized cardboard cutout of Autumn Raven!


Well her body at least. Billy tore off the Jessica head off the cutout and taped it over Autumn’s head so he has Autumn’s body with Jessica’s face on it.


Taped to a tree……


”Dis right here! Yup! I read about dis on the old internet. I googled it! I facetimed with one of those fancy pants doctors. He said the best way to get over my issue of fightin’ Autumn Raven is to train my mental eye into seein’ Jessica’s head on Autumn’s body. You see I told him about my relationship with Jessica, how it ended and how it was completely her fault and how she treated me last week in the workplace and he agreed she was unprofessional in the whole thing. I told him. Doc! The only girl I have ever wanted to fight is her! I want a match against her but she ain’t a wrassler! He says that is disturbing Billy. I go I know! It’s an inconvenience because I feel we have some unsettled matters and the best way to settle this between us is a good old fashion straight hard knock match! But they! The UWL booked me against Autumn! Who I also don’t really like but I don’t want to punch her and stuff. What am I going to do doc? He told me to train my mental eye in when I see you Autumn….I see Jessica!”


Billy strikes this slightly crouched down pose a couple of feet in front of the cutout and he is staring right at Jessica’s face.


”Oh yeah! I can feel it working!”


Billy focuses real hard into training his mental eye.


”My mental eye Autumn….oh yeah it’s…..this picture of Jessica’s face on your body is being burning into my mental eye’s retina….oh yeah. A couple more hours of this….yeah….and everytime I see you Autumn. I will see Jessica and I will just want to tear your head off! I will make you pay for making me buy that stupid house! How DARE you stick me with the house payments you freeloading bitch! NO YOU CAN’T HAVE MY CARS! OR MY DUKE OF HAZARDS BLANKET! MY MOMMA GAVE ME THAT FOR CHRISTMAS! AND SANDY ISN’T A TOWN!!! IT’S THE NAME OF MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND!!!! YEAH HOW YOU LIKE THAT NOW!!!!”


Billy shakes his head and breaks off his stare down with a cardboard cutout. He rubs his eyes and leans up against the tree by placing his hand on the tree, which is on the cutout, which is on Autumn’s chest.


”Whoah! That was freaky. I had like….I don’t know all of these….feelings I think. Man this mental eye is going to be a powerful weapon against you Autumn!”


Billy blinks several times to get his vision back. When he does he smirks and points at the camera.


”You won’t win this one Autumn! Not this time! When the Autumn versus Billy volume one DVD or Blu Ray comes out to buy at Walmarts, This match we will have this here week will be the highlight of all of the matches and it will be the match that sees a new, improved HillBilly Sutton claim victory over you in grand fashion! You will trip and fall face first in the dirt in this uphill climb that you have ahead of you…..trust me, there is no conquering this mountain of a man! You won’t summit this peak! I promise you this! When a free mind, a new beginning and my…”


Billy stares at the cutout again.


”Mental eye all trained and ready to strike. You don’t stand a chance! I will see you…”


Billy looks at the cutout again.


”And you this Saturday night! I see you.”


Billy starts to walk away but keeps his eye on the cutout and the scene slowly fades out……………..