UWL Matt Albright vs James Kelloggs

"Bad Ass" James Kelloggs vs. Matt Albright

"TNT" begins to blast out over the speakers, smoke begins to fill around the entrance aisle when a spotlights hits on the entrance curtains.


Bailey Zook - The following contest is scheduled for one fall and a 15 minute time limit!   Introducing first!  From Tampa, Florida, weighing two hundred and fifty five pounds! Matt Albright!


Matt Albright walks out from behind the curtain walks to the ring, ignoring everything around him. He is focusing on one thing and one thing only, the match.


Barry Sharpe We have seen his videos for a couple of week snow Fred.


Fred Overstreet Yes we have and this guy has a chip on his shoulder. I personally have never heard of James Kelloggs so this will be interesting to see him in action here tonight.


Barry Sharpe And he has one tough customer ahead of him.


Kid Rock’s Too Hott begins to play as three stunning bikini clad blondes walk out from the back and the cat calls and whistling begins. They tease the fans as they make their way down to the ring.


Fred Overstreet So which one of those three is James?


Barry Sharpe I’m going to go out on a limb and say that none of them are.


Fred Overstreet Damn. For a second you almost saw the biggest James Kellogg fan of all time Bar!


There is all sorts of hooting and hollering as the lovely ladies climbs into the ring. This song has a long intro and the ladies start dancing like they were on display at a club where they wear even less clothing that they have on now. One of the girls gets down on the mat and starts writhing about. Use your imagination to get a picture of what she is doing. It’s naughty. One of the ladies walks up to Brandi and takes the mic from her and pushes her out of the way and just as the lyrics were to kick in the music fades out to a roaring applause.


Smoking hot blonde model Excuse me….Excuse me….


There are a few more cat calls.


Smoking hot blonde model Yes thank you. I love you too.


Cheap pop


Smoking hot blonde model But right now isn’t about me or Nikki and Jennifer. No right now is about the Man! The Man of the UWL! The moment you all have been waiting for! The debut of one Bad Ass! Yes, that’s right! It is time for the Bad Ass James Kelloggs to make his UWL debut and kick this clown’s ass! So get up on your feet and get ready because here he is!!!!! THE BAD ASS JAMES KELLOGGS!!!!


The lights in the arena cut out leaving the arena completely dark. After a couple of seconds a voice begins to speak.


Yeah bitches!

I set up and torn down this stage with my own two hands.

I’ve traveled this land packed tight in mini vans

All of this for the fans, the girls, money and fame.

I’ve played their game

As the bitches screamed my name.

I live and die for this.

And if I come off soft.

then chew on this.


You bitches better be scared….”


A flash of light as Kid Rock’s American Badass kicks in. Walking out with a dump truck of attitude in his step is “Bad Ass” James Kelloggs! He pauses at the top of the ramp and removes his vest and tosses his hat. He punches his fist in his hand and marches down to the ring ignoring all of the fans who heckle him.





Barry Sharpe Are you kidding me?


Fred Overstreet That’s James Kelloggs? Dude is like, 4 feet tall!


James runs and slides under bottom rope and pops up to his feet. He stomps over to the nearest turnbuckles and starts to climb the turnbuckles and it’s not till he is on the second turnbuckle that his head pops over the top rope. James thrust a fist in the air as the chorus kicks in. James jumps off of the turnbuckle and spins in midair as he does. He marches out of the corner eyeing his opponent ready to tear into him.


Barry Sharpe Look at Albright.


Fred Overstreet I’d being laughing too!


Barry Sharpe For weeks we have listened to this guy rip on just about everyone on the roster, last week he called Tyson Turbo small and he is shorter than Tyson Turbo by at least a foot! Is this a joke? Is this for real?


As the ladies exit the ring Matt Albright can’t help but laugh and point at his opponent. James slaps one of the girls on the behind as she ducks under the second rope to leave the ring and he is ready to go. Albright leans up on the ropes laughing and laughing. James Kelloggs points at him and starts to say something but stops and asks the blonde for the mic. She hands James the mic.


Barry Sharpe I think James is annoyed that Matt Albright is laughing at him.


Fred Overstreet This is a rib right? When does the real James Kelloggs runs out and surprises everyone to be this 7 foot tall monster and takes the fight to Albright.


Barry Sharpe I have a feeling that this isn’t a joke Fred.


Bad Ass James Kelloggs Hey! Hey! Matt Albright! Talk about having a stupid name. How about you stop laughing and turn around and take this beating you’re about to get like a MAN!


Matt is no longer laughing. He slowly turns around and looks down at his opponent.


James Kelloggs Yeah bitch! I’m talking to you!


Matt points at himself and says “Me?”


James Kelloggs Yeah you! Who else would I be talking to? I don’t know what’s so funny but I’m here to kick your ass and win this match and go in the back and show those bitches right there was a well balanced meal taste like and I don’t have all night to put you away and show everyone here tonight why I am just that freaking good! Why I am a BAD ASS! Why I am the next UWL Triple Crown Champion and why you’re just a chump not even worth the ten seconds you’ll be in this ring!


Matt takes a step forward no longer laughing. He towers over James Kelloggs and glances out into the crowd debating if he should kick James or slam him down on the mat and punch the snot out of him. Soon that decision has been made for him as James punches him in the crotch with the mic doubling Matt over and James punches Matt Albright in the forehead with the mic!


Barry Sharpe James Kelloggs with two cheap shots!


Fred Overstreet Little guy is here to fight that is for sure Bar!


Standing enziguri by BAJK sends Albright down to the mat. Kelloggs skips over Albright and runs into the ropes. He bounces off of them and comes off with a running senton on Albright. A quick spin and drop a standing leg drop across the back of Albright’s neck! James Kelloggs rolls Albright over and goes for the pin. Referee Ned Shannon with the count.


1!

2 not even a two count and Albright tosses Kelloggs off of him.


Barry Sharpe I don’t think Albright was ready for that.


Fred Overstreet No one is ever ready for a mic to the ding ding Barry. No one ever is.


Albright to his feet, goes for a running boot on James Kelloggs, but the little guy tucks and rolls under his flying boot. Albright hits the breaks, spins and comes at Kelloggs with a lariat and Kelloggs cartwheels under him and Albright ends up hitting just air. Albright snaps to his feet looking a tad angry. He then starts to charge after Kelloggs who high tails it out of the ring, sliding under the bottom rope with ease but Albright in on his heels.


Barry Sharpe And now it’s a foot race….oh come on!


Fred Overstreet Vintage Macho Man right there.


Just as Albright was closing in on James Kelloggs, James ducks and rolls under one of his models, a curvy redhead named Jennifer. She has a lot of freckles so she must have stolen lots of souls in her lifetime. Albright stops as he isn’t going to deck a non wrestling female, that would be bad for business. James Kelloggs hides behind her holding her by the hips moving her side to side blocking Matt attempt to get by her and Jenn plays the Don’t hurt me role fine. When Matt goes to get by her on the right, James moves her in his direction and she screams and holds her hand up, “Please NO!” she pleads and when he tries to reach around her in the other direction, James makes sure she moves in that direction and with each interaction Matt and Jenn move closer and closer till James gives Jennifer a shove into Matt Albright’s arms and James Kelloggs runs away leaving Jenn wrapped up in Matt Albright arm’s and she made sure of this because she put her arms around him and is holding onto him tightly.


Barry Sharpe Matt has to know this is a trap right?


Fred Overstreet You can’t blame him for this. She is hot.


A miracle happened. An instant connection between Jennifer and Matt. Jenn wraps her arms Matt and looks into his eyes and you can almost see the hearts and little birds dancing around their eyes as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Jenn repositions her hands into more a hug than “Opps I was just flung into you please catch me!” Albright even slides his one hand down her back into her lower back and they can’t stop looking at each other. They inch closer and closer, closer and closer, Albright closes his eyes as they are centimeters away from locking lips when we see James Kelloggs comes running across the ring and diving through the ropes and tackles Albright knocking him into the guard rails and Jenn ends up falling down to the ground in the process. Albright lands hard in the steel guard rail and James Kelloggs starts putting the boots to him as fast as he can.


Barry Sharpe I think that was a setup and Albright should have seen through that.


Fred Overstreet She was so close to getting a new freckle.


Barry Sharpe You don’t believe that do you?


Fred Overstreet I have known many redheads in my day, one of them has my soul and a freckle. I saw it appear with my own two eyes.


James Kelloggs climbs up in the ring and rolls under the bottom rope to break the count, if Ned was counting. He’s been busy with the girls telling them to back away. Jenn stands up and collects herself. She walks over to Albright as he is slowly pulling himself up and Jenn helps him to his feet. Once Matt is standing Jenn makes sure he is okay and he nods. As he goes to glance into the ring, Jenn winds up and slaps him across the face!


Barry Sharpe Oh come on Ned! Kick these girls out of here! This is uncalled for!


Fred Overstreet Let’s not make a rash decision Barry.


As Jenn turns and stomps away and Matt is rubbing the side of his face. James Kelloggs comes off the top rope with a spring board and takes Matt Albright out again with a senton bomb on him! James ends up landing on Matt and bounces to his feet after they crash to the floor. He thrusts his arm up in the air and yells “SUP BITCHES!” and gets a mixed reaction. James takes Matt by the hair and forces him to his feet where he shoves him into the side of the ring. Matt is holding his one side that impacted into the side of the ring and James picks Matt one leg up and places it up on the apron and gives him a shove to get him back into the ring. Albright rolls in under the bottom rope and stumbles to his feet and takes a couple of step across the ring as James climbs up on the apron with some help from Nikkie and the blonde as they basically picked him up and set him on the arpon. James pops up on the top rope and comes off the top rope with a springboard drop kick just as Matt turns around. Without missing a beat James bounces off of Matt when they hit the mat and runs into the ropes, bounces off of them and as Matt rolls over to push himself up, James connects with a running knee to the face of Albright! James cuts across the ring, leaps onto the second rope, springboards off of that and catches Albright who is on his knee in a springboard stunner! Albright falls backwards on his back. James Kelloggs with a standing moonsault on Albright! James to his feet and points to the top turnbuckle. Some boo while some cheer like mad for the little dude.


Barry Sharpe I don’t like James Kelloggs but he does fly around the ring with the best of them and isn’t afraid of his opponent who is twice his size.


Fred Overstreet Have to give him props. He has skills.


James Kelloggs steps out of the ring under the second rope and quickly climbs the turnbuckles. Once he has his balance James Kelloggs points to the sky, points at Matt Albright on the mat and takes to the air and comes crashing down hard on Matt Albright with his Bad Ass Bomb! (Double foot stomp) James covers Matt Albright!


Ned counts!

1!

2!

3!!!!


Barry Sharpe I can’t believe it! He won!


It’s a mixed bag from the fans. Some of them didn’t like the dirty tactics and some just loved him. As the three girls climb back in the ring, the nice looking blonde hands him the mic again and James snatches from her with authority!


James Kelloggs Listen up bitches! This is just a taste of what awaits you! ALL of you! From that pint size freak T-T-Tyson Turbo to Over Stuffed Shawn Sanders and his play thing Craig Williams to my personal little bitch Caleb Hart! The BadAss era has begun in the UWL! All of you will taste defeat and I will jump from that turnbuckle and plant my size 7 through your rib cages! Either forfeit your titles to me or perish! This is your last chance to save yourself from the jaws of defeat. Don’t climb in my toaster oven and get your ass BURNT! It’s about to get real around and for all of you! It’s going to get real in a BAD WAY! I’m the BADASS JAMES KELLOGGS! I OWN THIS PLACE!


James slams the mic down, takes the blonde and bends her backwards over his knee and plants a big kiss on her and yes it looks as awkward as you imagine.


Barry Sharpe Well that was….


Fred Overstreet AWESOME! Man I love that little guy!


Barry Sharpe You would.