Post by Steve Sinclair on Dec 12, 2015 1:16:11 GMT
Scene opens up with Nanook’s mug filling the screen of his phone. We can almost look up his nose, it’s really creepy.
Nanook ”Okay I think we’re live. Oh yup, peeps are sending messages we’re life.”
Billy "Good now use da damn stick.”
Nanook “Okay just give me a minute.”
And just like that up with the aid of a selfie stick Nanook hoists his trusty Iphone up in the air and he is broadcasting on Periscope. He has the phone up in the air so we get a overhead downward look at Nanook and in the background with barn boots on, a shovel in his hand and a trough full of cow poop late on a Friday night is HillBilly Sutton. He is finishing helping out his Uncle Ned with the milking for the night and now it’s cleanup time.
Nanook “Folks! Friends! Neighbors! Wait? Billy any of your redneck neighbors around here use periscope?”
Billy scoops up a shovel full of poop and plops it in the wheelbarrow. He’s done one side of the barn and now he has the other side to cleanout. He bends over and slams the shovel in the trough to get another shovel full of shit.
Billy "Yeah…..chick I went to school with, she took over her parents farm. Every Tuesday she scopes. Topless Tuesday milking night. She hand milks one of her cows, topless. It’s pretty hot.”
Nanook “I’ll just take your word on that thank you.
Billy "Amber is her name. AtNudieFarmingChick on the tweets. I really suggest you follow her.”
Nanook “Yeah I’ll follow her later. As I was saying. Folks! Friends! Family! Summer I love you, neighbors and people from distant lands, all 105 of you that are watching this scope right here. My name is Nanook and I am the agent to the former two time UWL World Tag Team Champion, the 2014 Tag Team Coronation Cup winner and the future 2015 Coronation tag team cup winner along with the new UWL World Tag Team Champion with the greatest UWL TV champion of all time, The Silverback Cory Chevelle, the man of the land, the man who will get his hand dirty, the man who will throw down in that ring, in this barn and on the street and a man who is getting his training in today literally preparing to do what he will do tomorrow night only a stones throw from here as HillBilly Sutton and Cory Chevelle, the Bionic Rednecks serve up chumps, dash the dreams of some pretenders and shove their crap right down their throats. You see folks, you fine followers of not only Billy on twitter but the UWL as well. One of the teams that my friend here has to face tomorrow night will want you to believe that they are the icons of tag team wrestling. That they are legends to tag team wrestling and that before they resurfaced in the UWL to have the honor of being inducted into the hall of fame, there was no tag team wrestling in the UWL. It was a division that was dead and it died when they both left the UWL to do whatever it is that they were doing when they are not in the UWL hashtagging everything. You know when I stop and think about it Josh Eagles and Shawn Stevens just might the bastard children of Alan Christopher because he loved to hashtag everything am I right Billy?”
Billy has the wheelbarrow full of poop. He sets his shovel up against one of the stalls and looks at Nanook and nods.
Nanook “What the best team ever has seemly forgotten is that this isn’t 2008 anymore. Whoever was running around in the UWL at that time are no longer here and you have a new flock of new faces all of which are carrying the torch of the UWL while you two were off where ever. In fact it was true, the tag division was dead here in the UWL and this man right here.”
Nanook follows Billy who is pushing the wheelbarrow towards the far end where the spreader is parked and dumps his load of poop in.
Nanook “Was one of the few who carried the tag division on his back. He was the Tag champion when his partner was injured and was forced to find another partner to carry on with the belts. He was tag team wrestling in the UWL. Battling the Autumn Ravens. Battling the Archers. Battling the Brandon Shadows of the UWL keeping those titles in the spotlight and not leaving them on a shelf somewhere to rot which is what Craig Williams and Shawn Sanders did. Yes they are highly regarded tag champions if you ask them. So great at it they were that they allowed the tag division to DIE.”
Billy heads back for another load. Nanook follows him.
Nanook “I don’t care what you think of my client, my best friend. The facts are the facts. He has one of the best records in tag team wrestling not only in the UWL but everywhere he has gone. He can win with anyone in his corner and with the exception of Williams and Franco, In terms of which teams in this tournament can work well together, which teams don’t have ring rust and are a well oiled machine, The Bionic Rednecks are the only proven team with a shot at winning this tournament. Oh spare me. Best Team Ever just got back together last week and defeated a midget, a midget that everyone has beaten. Hell I can beat him. Slade and whoever his partner is, whatever they have been doing doesn’t matter here. They are a bunch of nobodies. The Hammer himself is knocking ring rust off himself. And Raven and Billy Danielson, you can chalk that up to beginner's luck last week. No this team, the future UWL Tag Team Champions, The Bionic Rednecks, are a proven team in 2015. Twice defeating Caleb Hart and Arch Stanton. Let that sink in for a second.”
Billy has loaded up the wheelbarrow again and is pushing it to the spreader. Nanook walks behind him keeping an eye on the screen to keep Billy in the shot.
Nanook “A team that can and has defeated mister UWL, Mister Triple Crown Champion himself. A team that put two black marks on his win loss record and there isn’t a single team left in this tournament that can say that, well folks you have to show respect where respect is due and acknowledge the winners of this tournament. Much has been said about this team, some have even come close to discredit them but like I said, the facts are the fact and when you can step forward and say that your team defeated Caleb Harts team….”
Billy dumps the wheelbarrow full of poop. He removes his gloves and wipes his forehead with his forearm and turns and stands next to Nanook and glances up at the camera.
Billy "Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t a popularity contest. The team with the most fans, dey aren’t going to win this tournament. This isn’t a match to see who has the biggest most impressive resume because again, the team with the biggest flashiest resume, won’t win this tournament. This isn’t a contest to see who has the best commercials either. No one cares that you came from Omega Combat wrestling. No one cares what you did there and no one cares that you used to finish second in this tournament once upon a time either. This isn’t a match to showcase the “we should be the tag champs because we never lost them to begin with” guys either. That team, ain’t winning this tournament either. No the team that will win this contest is the team that puts in the work. The dirty nasty sh*tty work that is required to win this whole damn thing. The team that will win this isn’t afraid to bend the rules, draw some blood and break some bones. This team isn’t afraid to thrash whoever stands in front of them. We cuss. We drink. We smoke. We chew. We fuck and fight and in the end, we will win! We will walk out with those straps. I will once again be the UWL World Tag Team Champion…...because those belts…...dey are….MINE!”
Nanook nods in agreement. Billy closes his eyes for a brief second and slides his gloves back on. He snatches up the wheelbarrow and it’s back to work. Nanook doesn’t follow him this time.
Nanook “The Silverback. The Millionaire Shiner. Team Bionic Rednecks. Hashtag that kids. They will be your next UWL World Tag Team Champions. I promise you that. Welcome to beatdown city. Welcome to Silverback county. Call it whatever you wish but the only thing you need to know, they will have the gold at the of the night. Peace!”
Nanook ends his broadcast.