Post by Steve Sinclair on Mar 8, 2016 22:43:57 GMT
”So here we are folks! Your hero. Your icon. Your living legend, Your highly prestigious Prestige World Champion….”
Scene fades in with the Bad Ass One, with the Prestige Championship being held above his head by VeggieBurger who is standing behind him, James Kelloggs stands with a pudding cup in his hand.
”The very honorable, and distinguished champion that I am, The Bad Ass James Kelloggs with my title, the UWL Prestige World Championship on display for all of you ingrates to gaze upon as lust, as desire and envy fills your little fragile hearts knowing full well that none of you!”
Veggie chimes in. ”Including you Billy Danielson.”
”Yes, especially you Billy Danielson who has been running his mouth for two weeks now on twitter, those are the emotions that you are forced to wake up with every day knowing very well that you will never!”
”Ever!”
”Get your hands on this title! Not even by mistake! Not even when the referee holds the title towards you this Saturday night before he holds it in the air signaling that this contest that we are about to have, this match you have waited for over two weeks now, is a title match for my title, as I stand before you the last ever UWL Prestige Champion in the history of this championship! I have sent my lawyers to the offices by the way Billy, I have had my manager Nanook go and speak on my behalf to have this title retired, acknowledge that I am truly the last champion of this belt and therefore the greatest of all time…”
”The true GOAT in the UWL, the only person who can legally lay claim to that name.”
”It is time for Jay Jefferson, Gary Young and his staff to officially make an announcement about a new championship that will be up for grabs in the UWL and just so it’s on a even playing field, I will refrain from competing for that new title for the first couple of months while you mouthbreathers in the locker room pass that back and forth like a roach clip with a few hits left in it, because history will repeat itself.”
”History always repeat itself.”
”And when I capture that new unnamed championship that will debut in the UWL soon…..When I “shock the world” once again and take home the gold because I don’t know if you notice Billy but that is what I do. I take home the big checks, the hot chicks with big old titties and every leather strap that has a chunk of gold riveted to it that I see fit and there isn’t a single damn thing you! Jay Jefferson! Gary Young! Craig Williams! Caleb Hart! Franco Coraluzzo, Josh Eagles and Justin Brooks can do about it! Dig up any old timer in the history of the UWL, dig up anyone, I don’t care who they are, what they have done, none of them! Not a single one of them are as great as I am!”
”The thing is Billy, point blank…”
”The greatest human being to ever grace the UWL with their presence, is me! I think I told you bitches this once, but in case you all forgot! When I was being born, the spirit of Jesus showed up in my hospital room and he blessed my mother. He took her by her hand, placed his hand on her forehead and told my mother, that you have just gave birth to greatest human being to ever be born. No one in written and unwritten history will ever be as great as this baby right here. Great things are in store for him! And Billy, Jesus doesn’t lie. I have a big f*cking casino on the strip in Vegas!”
”Stop by next time Billy. I’ll make sure you get comped.”
”A checking account with more zeros than I’ll ever spend, a giant dick that the ladies can’t get enough of and so much pure talent inside that ring, that the only way I have lost is by choice. No one has actually defeated me in my career, if you remove the matches where I threw guys like Sunday Night Heat a bone and put them over, I am undefeated!”
”It’s true. Look it up.”
”This week! Make all the short jokes you want. Wear your thumbs out on twitter tweeting away with little ribs at me all you want. When Saturday night rolls around just know that the fun and games, the short jokes and you thinking that you will walk out of that ring with this!”
James points up at his title.
”Comes to an end because there is no way, no way you ever defeat me and take my belt. I could hire a team of Hollywood writers and give them a single job to come up with all sorts of way how to say what I am about to say but then I realize that I have to dumb it down because sometimes I forget who I am talking to, a idiot kid who teams up with Autumn “Merry Go round” Raven where every new face in the UWL, they all get a shot at being her partner, so here it is Billy. You ever being called the UWL Prestige Champion. Will never happen.”
”Nope”
”It’s not up for debate. You can’t take a vote on it and you have a better chance of winning the Powerball than beating me for this belt. It’s not a threat. It’s not a promise. Hell kid it’s not even a guarantee. It’s the pure unadulterated FACT! Like Ran Hamilton and Tyler….Tyler….”
James snaps his fingers. ”What was that tool’s name Veggie?”
”Raptor. Tyler Raptor.”
”Ah yes! Tyler Raptor, you Billy will join the list of names who thought they could defeat me and take this belt and fail! This weekend Billy, you will live up to your life’s mission, being a complete failure. Because, that is the only choice you have kid. Failure. I am the Bad Ass James Kelloggs, your one and only UWL prestigious Prestige World Champion.”
James takes the belt from Veggieburger and slings it over his shoulder.
”Now if you excuse me, I have some bitches that have been waiting for me. Later loser.”
James starts to walk away.
”Right after I finish my pudding."
Fade out.
Scene fades in with the Bad Ass One, with the Prestige Championship being held above his head by VeggieBurger who is standing behind him, James Kelloggs stands with a pudding cup in his hand.
”The very honorable, and distinguished champion that I am, The Bad Ass James Kelloggs with my title, the UWL Prestige World Championship on display for all of you ingrates to gaze upon as lust, as desire and envy fills your little fragile hearts knowing full well that none of you!”
Veggie chimes in. ”Including you Billy Danielson.”
”Yes, especially you Billy Danielson who has been running his mouth for two weeks now on twitter, those are the emotions that you are forced to wake up with every day knowing very well that you will never!”
”Ever!”
”Get your hands on this title! Not even by mistake! Not even when the referee holds the title towards you this Saturday night before he holds it in the air signaling that this contest that we are about to have, this match you have waited for over two weeks now, is a title match for my title, as I stand before you the last ever UWL Prestige Champion in the history of this championship! I have sent my lawyers to the offices by the way Billy, I have had my manager Nanook go and speak on my behalf to have this title retired, acknowledge that I am truly the last champion of this belt and therefore the greatest of all time…”
”The true GOAT in the UWL, the only person who can legally lay claim to that name.”
”It is time for Jay Jefferson, Gary Young and his staff to officially make an announcement about a new championship that will be up for grabs in the UWL and just so it’s on a even playing field, I will refrain from competing for that new title for the first couple of months while you mouthbreathers in the locker room pass that back and forth like a roach clip with a few hits left in it, because history will repeat itself.”
”History always repeat itself.”
”And when I capture that new unnamed championship that will debut in the UWL soon…..When I “shock the world” once again and take home the gold because I don’t know if you notice Billy but that is what I do. I take home the big checks, the hot chicks with big old titties and every leather strap that has a chunk of gold riveted to it that I see fit and there isn’t a single damn thing you! Jay Jefferson! Gary Young! Craig Williams! Caleb Hart! Franco Coraluzzo, Josh Eagles and Justin Brooks can do about it! Dig up any old timer in the history of the UWL, dig up anyone, I don’t care who they are, what they have done, none of them! Not a single one of them are as great as I am!”
”The thing is Billy, point blank…”
”The greatest human being to ever grace the UWL with their presence, is me! I think I told you bitches this once, but in case you all forgot! When I was being born, the spirit of Jesus showed up in my hospital room and he blessed my mother. He took her by her hand, placed his hand on her forehead and told my mother, that you have just gave birth to greatest human being to ever be born. No one in written and unwritten history will ever be as great as this baby right here. Great things are in store for him! And Billy, Jesus doesn’t lie. I have a big f*cking casino on the strip in Vegas!”
”Stop by next time Billy. I’ll make sure you get comped.”
”A checking account with more zeros than I’ll ever spend, a giant dick that the ladies can’t get enough of and so much pure talent inside that ring, that the only way I have lost is by choice. No one has actually defeated me in my career, if you remove the matches where I threw guys like Sunday Night Heat a bone and put them over, I am undefeated!”
”It’s true. Look it up.”
”This week! Make all the short jokes you want. Wear your thumbs out on twitter tweeting away with little ribs at me all you want. When Saturday night rolls around just know that the fun and games, the short jokes and you thinking that you will walk out of that ring with this!”
James points up at his title.
”Comes to an end because there is no way, no way you ever defeat me and take my belt. I could hire a team of Hollywood writers and give them a single job to come up with all sorts of way how to say what I am about to say but then I realize that I have to dumb it down because sometimes I forget who I am talking to, a idiot kid who teams up with Autumn “Merry Go round” Raven where every new face in the UWL, they all get a shot at being her partner, so here it is Billy. You ever being called the UWL Prestige Champion. Will never happen.”
”Nope”
”It’s not up for debate. You can’t take a vote on it and you have a better chance of winning the Powerball than beating me for this belt. It’s not a threat. It’s not a promise. Hell kid it’s not even a guarantee. It’s the pure unadulterated FACT! Like Ran Hamilton and Tyler….Tyler….”
James snaps his fingers. ”What was that tool’s name Veggie?”
”Raptor. Tyler Raptor.”
”Ah yes! Tyler Raptor, you Billy will join the list of names who thought they could defeat me and take this belt and fail! This weekend Billy, you will live up to your life’s mission, being a complete failure. Because, that is the only choice you have kid. Failure. I am the Bad Ass James Kelloggs, your one and only UWL prestigious Prestige World Champion.”
James takes the belt from Veggieburger and slings it over his shoulder.
”Now if you excuse me, I have some bitches that have been waiting for me. Later loser.”
James starts to walk away.
”Right after I finish my pudding."
Fade out.