Post by Steve Sinclair on Mar 10, 2017 19:24:41 GMT
PART ONE of NANOOK KNOWS
Seated behind a black desk with a cheap TV over his shoulder that has the DarcPro logo on it is Nanook wearing an ill fitting suit and a red tie with snowflakes on it? Nanook clears his throat and we’re off to the races.
“Hello folks. Now to some of you who have followed my career for almost 20 years now as I started just up the coast in Washington state, you will recognize this set from my ESW days and this is the set to my show that kicked off several wrestling shows on youtube from my Nanook KNOWS series and sadly while I have no new ESW news, I do however bring to you the fans of DarcPro news and more importantly a statement from my client Bester Freund, who as you know on March 27th live from the Cow Palace in Daly city will team up with current Darc Heavyweight champions, the incredibly sexy Rayven Hardy, and this duo, who in my humble opinion are the odds on favorites to win the Darc Duos championship will begin on the road to the Duo’s gold as they face the unlikely duo of Veronica something or other and Gray Malone, the so called self crowned King of DarcPro.”
“Now I know what you are thinking, Nanook we saw Gray Malone defeat Bester just last week! And you would be correct in saying that but as my client has given me permission to speak for him at this time. Gray Malone cheated to beat Bester. He didn’t man up as the kids say and prove his worth and one up Bester. Nah he cheated, he took the easy way out and bullied Bester’s partner Rayven into handing over the belt to save Bester from bodily harm, which between you and I, if Gray didn’t use dirty tactics to stun Bester for a couple of minutes, Bester would have have had his hand raised in victory but Gray did what he did, which was really just tell the rest of the world just how insecure he is and when he fills out a form that asks him about the size of his family jewels, he would place a checkmark next to smaller than average.”
“All of this of course has my client Bester furious. He wasn’t a fan of Gray Malone’s to begin with. He thought and I might being using my agent freedom here, he thought Gray Malone was a little school bully who used to bully all of the girls on the playground in say, 3rd grade because it would make his tiny little ego feel bigger than it was and he was such a loud mouth then none of the other boys in the grade would stand up to him, because at that young age no one really wants to fight. No one has the skill set yet so knowing this, Gray Malone would just verbally abuse everyone and he would get away with this until one day, the new kid sees this and he hauls offs and bitch slaps Gray Malone right across the face and shuts his little bitch face up like for the rest of the school year. To Bester, that is what Gray Malone is. To the rest of us, Gray is that pervert in a highrise apartment building strutting around in the nude with his tiny little twig and berries hanging out in front of every open window making everyone feel uncomfortable and closing our blinds and it was such a nice day outside too!”
“My client Bester can’t wait for this rematch. My client Bester can’t wait to get his hands on Gray Malone, not because he is one of these neatheralls you see from time to time in this sport that say, “I was robbed of that victory!” “I’m owed a win!” or something along those lines, you know, something that Gray’s tag team partner Veronica…..Smith? I really have no idea what her last name is because she is just so unimportant in this match, anyways that is something a moron like Ver…..Veron? What was her name again? Oh yes, Veronica would say. I mean she would say it while twirling her hair around her finger and shifting her weight from side to side and forgetting to button up a few buttons on her blouse so we can all see her plastic filled boobies. She has the eyebrow ridge you know, have you seen that thing?”
“My client Bester, he just wants to straight up beat you down Gray. He wants to beat you worse than your last match with him. There has only been a handful of times I have seen Bester this angry, I mean this angry, not I just got beaten and double teamed against Billy Danielson and he’s going to take it out on Bryan Blaze angry, I mean real angry. He said the word Hell for fuck sakes! This guy never swears and yes, hell is a swear word to him. You know how upset he has to be to say..hell? Like, really mad.”
“Bester is a beast inside that ring, no one will deny this. I even think you weren’t ready for that Gray. I haven’t seen a guy who can just manhandle his opponents in that ring since Cory Chevelle. Not only can he dish out a beating, but that boy can really take a beating. Gee, and I’ll give you some props Gary. Name anyone else in DarcPro and I mean anyone else and none of them would have been able to last nearly as long as Bester did. They would have all tapped out about half way through that match, but not Bester! Bester didn’t tap! He just kept getting back up and I saw the fear in your eyes. I saw the “Are you kidding me!” on your face! Just admit it, you didn’t think Bester had that in him. And now he’s really really motivated.”
“Not only is he upset at you for what you did to him towards the end of the match, but for what you made Rayven do as well. Now look, this team with Rayven, it’s nice. It’s a nice little team that was randomly put together and this will be their first time working together as a team, oh wait, you and what’s her name also will be working together for the first time too, but unlike you two, Bester and Rayven, they are on the same page. They aren’t frenemies and they both want the same thing, they share a common goal and that is capturing those Darc Duos championships. I haven’t had a sit down visit with Rayven but I’m real confident that much like Bester, Rayven wants to get her hands on you as well Gray, One, to teach you a lesson that you can’t treat her friend like that, two, to show you first hand why she is the Darc Heavyweight champion and three, because she can. It’s two highly motivated people of great skills and power both looking to put a hurting on you Gray and there you are, standing there with your hands on your pockets feeling around for that empty wrapper of nuts acting like you don’t need…..”
Snaps fingers several times.
“I’m sorry. I normally have a real good memory for pretty faces but yours have seem to escape me. Veronica is it? Veronica Taylor? Is Taylor going to boy name once you complete your secret mission? Or is Taylor your real name and Veronica is one you picked for yourself? In any case one thing is clear. Gray Malone can’t, won’t win this match by himself. He’s going to need help and for him that helps comes in the form of a chick with a winkie. This Pretty committee is cute and all….okay so I just lied then, no it’s not cute. It’s kinda stupid. You two are nothing more than Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie but the ugly version of them just pretending to pro wrestlers. I’ve fought midgets that were more fearsome than you two and I can’t stand midgets. I once fought a guy with one arm, a leg that was shorter than the other, his foot was sideways and he had a fake eyeball and he was a better pro wrestler than both of you, combined, injected with all of the botox in the world, Gimpie, that is what we called him, had more heart, more desire than you two. If that is what is going to be Gray’s corner, well he would be better having Gimpie as his tag team partner. If you want Gray, I can give you his number, he’ll be happy to stand by your side, tilted in the one direction and fight Rayven and Bester. At least you know you won’t have a partner who is going take nine hundred and forty two selfies from the bathroom before the match starts.”
“As angry as my client Bester is, know this. Right now as I speak on his behalf. He has the love of his life in his hands. I had to pull a few strings but I was to get Spartacus out on bail and I was to bring him home into Bester’s loving arms. One of the reasons as you know for him being in DarcPro was for Spartacus, his beloved kitty cat and he has Sparky in his arms, caressing him, stroking him, petting him and I know it just sounded like I was describing what Gray Malone does on the weekends as he looks at his own pictures, but Bester is in a good space right now, the missing piece in his life was missing and now has been returned to him ands trust me, there is nothing Bester won’t do for that cat! Bester has nothing to lose and if I was you Taylor Veronica, GRay Malone, I’d start to get on the same page as fast as humanly possible because, Bester is coming for both of you. And he’s not looking to make friends with you either.”
“So, before I go, it’s time for some of you out there your favorite part of Nanook KNOWS and that folks is Nanook’s TOP FIVE! This is where I list the top five rumors and stories but for today’s Top five, I will be listing the top five shortcomings of Taylor Veronica!”
“Here we go! Number five! Veronica’s life partner, Bianca isn’t in the match! No, she has a sleep study at Berkeley as they try to figure out why god gave her two X chromosomes!”
“Number four! Everytime she is tagged in, she’ll have to decide to either go over or under the bottom rope!”
“Number three! She doesn’t know if she can beat the five count! The ref might count her out as she checks her hair and makeup after being tagged in!”
“Number two! She’ll be a no show! Russian hackers….damn them….will hack the Google maps on her phone and she won’t be able to find her way down to the ring!”
“And number one shortcoming of Taylor Veronica! If she can find her way down to the ring, if she can beat the five count, navigate the ropes, not to mention if she’ll be allowed to use a step stool so she can reach over the top rope to make the tag, the number one shortcoming is, She won’t tag in because Gray Malone has the cooties!”
“Thank you! And join me again for another exciting episode of Nanook KNOWS! Good night everyone!”
Fade out.
Seated behind a black desk with a cheap TV over his shoulder that has the DarcPro logo on it is Nanook wearing an ill fitting suit and a red tie with snowflakes on it? Nanook clears his throat and we’re off to the races.
“Hello folks. Now to some of you who have followed my career for almost 20 years now as I started just up the coast in Washington state, you will recognize this set from my ESW days and this is the set to my show that kicked off several wrestling shows on youtube from my Nanook KNOWS series and sadly while I have no new ESW news, I do however bring to you the fans of DarcPro news and more importantly a statement from my client Bester Freund, who as you know on March 27th live from the Cow Palace in Daly city will team up with current Darc Heavyweight champions, the incredibly sexy Rayven Hardy, and this duo, who in my humble opinion are the odds on favorites to win the Darc Duos championship will begin on the road to the Duo’s gold as they face the unlikely duo of Veronica something or other and Gray Malone, the so called self crowned King of DarcPro.”
“Now I know what you are thinking, Nanook we saw Gray Malone defeat Bester just last week! And you would be correct in saying that but as my client has given me permission to speak for him at this time. Gray Malone cheated to beat Bester. He didn’t man up as the kids say and prove his worth and one up Bester. Nah he cheated, he took the easy way out and bullied Bester’s partner Rayven into handing over the belt to save Bester from bodily harm, which between you and I, if Gray didn’t use dirty tactics to stun Bester for a couple of minutes, Bester would have have had his hand raised in victory but Gray did what he did, which was really just tell the rest of the world just how insecure he is and when he fills out a form that asks him about the size of his family jewels, he would place a checkmark next to smaller than average.”
“All of this of course has my client Bester furious. He wasn’t a fan of Gray Malone’s to begin with. He thought and I might being using my agent freedom here, he thought Gray Malone was a little school bully who used to bully all of the girls on the playground in say, 3rd grade because it would make his tiny little ego feel bigger than it was and he was such a loud mouth then none of the other boys in the grade would stand up to him, because at that young age no one really wants to fight. No one has the skill set yet so knowing this, Gray Malone would just verbally abuse everyone and he would get away with this until one day, the new kid sees this and he hauls offs and bitch slaps Gray Malone right across the face and shuts his little bitch face up like for the rest of the school year. To Bester, that is what Gray Malone is. To the rest of us, Gray is that pervert in a highrise apartment building strutting around in the nude with his tiny little twig and berries hanging out in front of every open window making everyone feel uncomfortable and closing our blinds and it was such a nice day outside too!”
“My client Bester can’t wait for this rematch. My client Bester can’t wait to get his hands on Gray Malone, not because he is one of these neatheralls you see from time to time in this sport that say, “I was robbed of that victory!” “I’m owed a win!” or something along those lines, you know, something that Gray’s tag team partner Veronica…..Smith? I really have no idea what her last name is because she is just so unimportant in this match, anyways that is something a moron like Ver…..Veron? What was her name again? Oh yes, Veronica would say. I mean she would say it while twirling her hair around her finger and shifting her weight from side to side and forgetting to button up a few buttons on her blouse so we can all see her plastic filled boobies. She has the eyebrow ridge you know, have you seen that thing?”
“My client Bester, he just wants to straight up beat you down Gray. He wants to beat you worse than your last match with him. There has only been a handful of times I have seen Bester this angry, I mean this angry, not I just got beaten and double teamed against Billy Danielson and he’s going to take it out on Bryan Blaze angry, I mean real angry. He said the word Hell for fuck sakes! This guy never swears and yes, hell is a swear word to him. You know how upset he has to be to say..hell? Like, really mad.”
“Bester is a beast inside that ring, no one will deny this. I even think you weren’t ready for that Gray. I haven’t seen a guy who can just manhandle his opponents in that ring since Cory Chevelle. Not only can he dish out a beating, but that boy can really take a beating. Gee, and I’ll give you some props Gary. Name anyone else in DarcPro and I mean anyone else and none of them would have been able to last nearly as long as Bester did. They would have all tapped out about half way through that match, but not Bester! Bester didn’t tap! He just kept getting back up and I saw the fear in your eyes. I saw the “Are you kidding me!” on your face! Just admit it, you didn’t think Bester had that in him. And now he’s really really motivated.”
“Not only is he upset at you for what you did to him towards the end of the match, but for what you made Rayven do as well. Now look, this team with Rayven, it’s nice. It’s a nice little team that was randomly put together and this will be their first time working together as a team, oh wait, you and what’s her name also will be working together for the first time too, but unlike you two, Bester and Rayven, they are on the same page. They aren’t frenemies and they both want the same thing, they share a common goal and that is capturing those Darc Duos championships. I haven’t had a sit down visit with Rayven but I’m real confident that much like Bester, Rayven wants to get her hands on you as well Gray, One, to teach you a lesson that you can’t treat her friend like that, two, to show you first hand why she is the Darc Heavyweight champion and three, because she can. It’s two highly motivated people of great skills and power both looking to put a hurting on you Gray and there you are, standing there with your hands on your pockets feeling around for that empty wrapper of nuts acting like you don’t need…..”
Snaps fingers several times.
“I’m sorry. I normally have a real good memory for pretty faces but yours have seem to escape me. Veronica is it? Veronica Taylor? Is Taylor going to boy name once you complete your secret mission? Or is Taylor your real name and Veronica is one you picked for yourself? In any case one thing is clear. Gray Malone can’t, won’t win this match by himself. He’s going to need help and for him that helps comes in the form of a chick with a winkie. This Pretty committee is cute and all….okay so I just lied then, no it’s not cute. It’s kinda stupid. You two are nothing more than Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie but the ugly version of them just pretending to pro wrestlers. I’ve fought midgets that were more fearsome than you two and I can’t stand midgets. I once fought a guy with one arm, a leg that was shorter than the other, his foot was sideways and he had a fake eyeball and he was a better pro wrestler than both of you, combined, injected with all of the botox in the world, Gimpie, that is what we called him, had more heart, more desire than you two. If that is what is going to be Gray’s corner, well he would be better having Gimpie as his tag team partner. If you want Gray, I can give you his number, he’ll be happy to stand by your side, tilted in the one direction and fight Rayven and Bester. At least you know you won’t have a partner who is going take nine hundred and forty two selfies from the bathroom before the match starts.”
“As angry as my client Bester is, know this. Right now as I speak on his behalf. He has the love of his life in his hands. I had to pull a few strings but I was to get Spartacus out on bail and I was to bring him home into Bester’s loving arms. One of the reasons as you know for him being in DarcPro was for Spartacus, his beloved kitty cat and he has Sparky in his arms, caressing him, stroking him, petting him and I know it just sounded like I was describing what Gray Malone does on the weekends as he looks at his own pictures, but Bester is in a good space right now, the missing piece in his life was missing and now has been returned to him ands trust me, there is nothing Bester won’t do for that cat! Bester has nothing to lose and if I was you Taylor Veronica, GRay Malone, I’d start to get on the same page as fast as humanly possible because, Bester is coming for both of you. And he’s not looking to make friends with you either.”
“So, before I go, it’s time for some of you out there your favorite part of Nanook KNOWS and that folks is Nanook’s TOP FIVE! This is where I list the top five rumors and stories but for today’s Top five, I will be listing the top five shortcomings of Taylor Veronica!”
“Here we go! Number five! Veronica’s life partner, Bianca isn’t in the match! No, she has a sleep study at Berkeley as they try to figure out why god gave her two X chromosomes!”
“Number four! Everytime she is tagged in, she’ll have to decide to either go over or under the bottom rope!”
“Number three! She doesn’t know if she can beat the five count! The ref might count her out as she checks her hair and makeup after being tagged in!”
“Number two! She’ll be a no show! Russian hackers….damn them….will hack the Google maps on her phone and she won’t be able to find her way down to the ring!”
“And number one shortcoming of Taylor Veronica! If she can find her way down to the ring, if she can beat the five count, navigate the ropes, not to mention if she’ll be allowed to use a step stool so she can reach over the top rope to make the tag, the number one shortcoming is, She won’t tag in because Gray Malone has the cooties!”
“Thank you! And join me again for another exciting episode of Nanook KNOWS! Good night everyone!”
Fade out.
