Darc Pro Battle Royal | The Works of John Quackenbush

Darc Pro Battle Royal May 10, 2017 20:53:48 GMT

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Post by Steve Sinclair on May 10, 2017 20:53:48 GMT

Listen up bitches, this shit right here is brought to you by the motherfucking:

Blow me

The scene opens up with the Bad Ass One sitting on a park somewhere in San Fran in black jeans, one of his Bad Ass shirts and a UWL bandana covering his big bald head. By his side naturally is a stunning blonde in a super tight short dress and it’s showing off the girls of course cuz that is how the Bad Ass One rolls.

“Clock is ticking bitches! The clock is winding down to when Team UWL! The Universal Gentlemen! Team Bad motherfucking Ass claims those DarcDous belts! The belts we said were ours all along! Like my partner Joe Jones fucking stated as fact the other day. The line for those fucking belts begins behind us. From where we sit every other team in this tournament is just a jumbled concoction of horseshit thrown together to fill out the ring to get some of you posers on the damn show!”

James’ girl runs her hand across his shoulder and she is really into him.

“Now Miles Blake, the idiot who threw most of these teams together, came up with this lame brain idea for this big ass long drawn out tournament only to scrap it and invent this San Fran Scuffle match that that moron Bester couldn’t win last week, He hit up the mouth breathers on twitter today and declared that the show has already been sold out.”

James takes a deep breath.

“No shit asswipe! Fucking the greatest tag team in the history of wrestling is on the card! The Bad Ass One is on the card! Fucking the King of Tag Team Wrestling Joe Jones is on the fucking card! Naturally this shit was going to sell the fuck out and you better remember this, KID, when it comes to the payoffs! Team UWL! We get the biggest cut of the pie cuz we brought all of these asses to the seats! You see when you book Team UWL, that is what happens! The joint sells the fuck out in a matter of days not weeks cuz everyone one of those fuckers, some of which will be traveling like a fucking caravan all the way from Knoxville! And why?”

Bae takes James’ hand and places it on her knee. She glances down at James.

“Oh you just wait a minute or two bae. Once I get business over with, dat ass is mine.”

“I can’t wait.” She says as he leans down and kisses him on the forehead before standing up, tugging on her dress to pull it down and walking out of view.

“Not only do I sell out the joint, which no one else in DarcPro can claim, but I’m about to put a beating on that much how I beat the shit out of Crystal Millar last week but that is a story for a another day. Right fucking now, you all need to take this warning seriously.”

James stands up on the park bench. #LifeUnderFour4

“To every wanna be, to every lower card hopeful who thinks this is your chance to steal those belts, I’m standing here right, right now to inform you that you are 100% WRONG! There is only one team who is going to win those belts and that team, is the greatest team of them all from the greatest wrestling promotion EVER! Team UWL! You can’t deny it. You can’t argue against it. The real reason why former FBI director Comey was fired was cuz he told President Trump who he thought was going to win this match for the belts and Trump looked right at him with a flabbergasted look on his face and told him he couldn’t take him seriously with a guess like that! Trump stood in middle of the oval office and point blank told Comey that the only team that was going to win this match was Team UWL! True story! Fucking google it you bunch of bitches.”

James hops down from the park bench.

“We have the backing from the highest office in the land and from every knuckle…..err I mean fan who bought a ticket to see Team UWL take home the gold! Now if you excuse me.”

James looks off in the distant at his girl, who might be nude.

“It’s time to work on my cardio.”

Darc Pro Battle Royal May 13, 2017 19:01:12 GMT

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Post by Steve Sinclair on May 13, 2017 19:01:12 GMT

Warning: Little man attacks:

Take cover, save yourself

The Bad Ass One is pacing back and forth with his phone in his hand and appears to be in a foul mood.

“Fat camp you say? Well then old friend. I would like to send one fat son of a bitch to your camp this summer. I’ll pay for it up front too. Other than that I have no use for you Dexter.”

James glances at his phone again.

“Poet and Scholar and despite what you think and say, the first ever DarcPro Duos Champion. I haven’t noticed till now due to me being preoccupied with the impending move of the Raiders to Vegas and thus making plans to expand the Bad Ass Hotel, but when the greatest tag team in the history of wrestling started dropping award winning promos, the discussion for those Duos belts quickly shifted from, Gee I hope I can win them to oh shit! The Universal Gentleman, Team UWL, the knuckle busting boys from Knoxville, the Double J’s, Team Bad Ass…..”

James stops pacing and looks at the camera with a scowl on his face.

“We must stop them. Several of these fly by night teams just gave the fuck up. They packed up shop and loaded the U-Haul truck up and headed on out of town. They knew they were toast. They fucking knew they were beaten! They were the smart ones and decided that it’s not worth trying to battle the champions! It isn’t worth the beatdown that awaits them, it is better to run than get embarrassed on national TV when Team UWL’s name is called and we hit the ring and start to single handedly eliminate each and every single one of you bitches left and right, one by one till we’re the only team left and we claim those fucking belts!”

“Especially since all of you saw I what I did to the untouchable Crystal MIllar last week. I ended her reign. I beat her ass not once! But twice! I will damn well sure beat a bunch of pussies in this match with great ease! But there is some of you who are trying a different tactic. Trying to find a way to butter me up, get on my good side in hopes that I take it easy on you.”

James pauses for a second.

“Let start with this Roboleg shit. I don’t know what your deal is, what fucking drugs you did as a kid, but this whole nonsensical bullshit you spout will not work. Joe is the king of tag team wrestling. No one in this fucking tournament has more tag titles than he does. I’m sorry that the UWL tossed you aside like a bag of fucking trash a while back, they only kept the winners around and they most definitely cut their fucking losses with you, in the real world, not the world of make believe that you live in. Fucking come a few days from now, reality will slap you upside the head and end your quest for those belts.”

“Then there is my buddy Dexter. I have watched you for 2 weeks now talking shit to everyone and yet no one responds to you, then you zeroed in on one team, Team UWL. All the kind words and bro bumps in the world won’t change the fact that there is only one team that is going to win those belts and that team isn’t you and your dumbfuck cousin. It’s Team Bad Ass. But all isn’t lost. You have inspired me, inspired to open up my own camp, for all of the teams that will loss at E6 and I’m calling it Losers Camp and you Dexter, will get the VIP treatment. A all expense paid stay with a private cabin so you can shed the tears of defeat all alone with no one else to see just how much of a fucking hasbeen you are.”

“Team UWL is not a team to take lightly. Team UWL is the only main event team in this match, the only team worthy of holding those belts, the only team to be the first and only DarcDous Champions.”