Post by Steve Sinclair on Oct 5, 2018 19:51:40 GMT
Backstage at Massacre, Nanook, all 400 pounds of him is watching the dark match on the TV, a match that is showcasing his latest guy who he found, trained and signed to ESM. His guy, if you haven’t been paying attention is the silent but deadly type, Captain DILLIGAF. Big muscly guy with a beard and long hair, Biker vest, you know, the I’m a tool starter kit.
The match is well underway and The Captain is wrestling another unknown guy, a young “kid”, early 20’s with blonde hair that is buzzed down, A kid who hits the gym couple of times a week but isn’t defined like the Captain is. He’s a lean and trim 205 pounds at most, fast sleek athletic type. His name is Armbar Armstrong and it’s not just a play on words, he’s a textbook mat tech and he is schooling The Captain.
It’s not looking good…..
It’s looking like The Captain is in way over his head……
And just like that, Armbar Armstrong as the armbar locked in…..
It’s in that moment, Nanook knew, his guy was fucked.
The bell rings, the crowd, for not knowing who these two guys are, gives Armbar Armstrong a nice round of applause. He gets his hand raised in victory. Armbar sports a smile.
Nanook signs. He closes his eyes and just can’t believe it.
“Jesus….fuck. Who is that fucking kid?” Nanook mutters to himself. He turns away from the TV, just can’t bare to see The Captain holding his arm in pain. Is he hurt? That would be awful!
“How’d The Tool do?” Joe says with a hint of HAHA in his voice. Nanook glares down at him, he does stand a solid 10 inches over Joe. “Did he win? Is Marcus going to sign him?”
“A minor setback, I don’t know who that kid is, but he’s got talent. He’s got a small future in front of him.” Nanook says with some much disdain on his face, so bitter right now he is.
“Huh. Yeah that kid. He’s quite the arm puller. Get it? Arm puller?”
“Yeah! Very funny.” Nanook says as he goes to walk, or more accurately, waddle past Joe.
“That was fun! Man! Joe! Thanks!” A fresh face, sweaty but happy Armbar Armstrong says as he enters the picture and fists pumps Joe, quick bro hug Nanook snaps around.
“The fuck!” Nanook says.
Joe puts his arm around Armstrong. “Hey tubby! Meet my newest guy, Armbar Armstrong! This kid has gone to every wrestling school on the face of the planet! He even was a young boy, twice! Tell em kid.” Joe says as he slaps Armstrong’s chest.
“You can learn so much from the Japanese! So full of knowledge they are. I spent 5 years there….” Armstrong begins to says, he’s a excitable lad.
Nanook will have none of it. “THIS PIECE OF SHIT IS YOUR GUY? IS THIS SOME SORT OF GODDAMN JOKE?”
Nanook’s face goes from pure anger to OH MY GOD! SOMEONE SAVE ME! Armbar takes Nanook’s pinky finger, has it bent in 2 directions it shouldn’t be bent in, backwards and to the left, back and to the left. This brings Nanook down to his knees and Armbar just twisting his fat stubby pinky finger.
Joe smirks. “Kim.” Nanook’s birth name. “Why don’t we double down? I’ll go talk to Marcus to give both of these guys a rematch next week. And let’s make it interesting. How about we put……” Joe shrugs. “Their contract rights on the line. If the Captain can beat Armbar here, Armstrong here is your guy. But if the kid here, when he beats the tool, than that tool is mine.”
Nanook snatches his hand back. He’s pissed. He slowly stands up and gets right in Joe’s face.
“You’re on!” he growls. Joe smirks.
“Can’t wait.” Joe says.
Fade out.
A white 1979 Honda CCV wagon no less, pulls up to the curb with it’s tiny little engine purring like a well maintained machine, because that is what it is, a machine.
OGDA climbs out of the driver’s side of this classic Honda. Just picture for that for a second. He quickly jogs around the front of his car, a car he bought when he signed with the Cardinals when he went undrafted in the NFL draft. It set him back a solid 1200 bucks, and restoring this beast of a ride has set him back another 5G as he has had to outsource much of the work. It’s his pride and joy and wouldn’t trade it for nothing.
OGDA opens the passenger side door and holds it open.
“I haven’t done this in a long time, but after I learned who my opponent is this week at Massacre, I couldn’t help myself and dusted off my Uber app. I actually had to reinstall it since I haven’t used it in soooo long. Too long actually.”
OGDA gently closed the door to his ride and leans up against it.
“I used to drive for Uber too, last year when I was in San Francisco. The place I was work for, Darc Pro closed it’s door and that kinda makes me sad because I was in this tag team with this lovely women, one smart cookie, a strong girl who was really super awesome in the ring, at one point she went undefeated. She was beating everyone including me! We somehow teamed up. I forget how that happened…”
OGDA then remembers.
“AH! Yes! We were randomly put together and we ended up being like two peas in a pod. Her name was Miss Raven Hardy and the name of our team was #BestFriends. We were so close to winning those DarcPro tag team titles. So close. But it wasn’t meant to be.”
Deep breath by OGDA.
“So, when DARC Pro wasn’t paying me anymore, and before I went down to Mexico where I still wasn’t getting paid…..”
OGDA pauses as that just dawned on him.
“I needed money. Mr. Nanook had me buy a house and let me tell you, buying a house in San Fran is not cheap! Even though I got a good deal, that is what Mr. Nanook tells me, I was renting out a storage shed that I was using as my gym and that wasn’t cheap either. I seemed to be going through a lot of money I didn’t have there.”
OGDA pauses again, as that too just hit him.
“So I had this car, my car, that I have had ever since I left college and I started to driving for Uber. I would drive all day, every day. I meet some really nice people. Like Grandma Sophie. She was old and had so many doctor appointments. She was always so nice to me. She even made brownies, for her, block…..block….coma? I’m not sure how rich and moist brownies loaded right up with sugar helps with her condition, I never understood that. I don’t know what she put in those brownies but I was always so happy after eating one. Hungry too, for Cheetos for some reason. I was sad when I heard she past away. She was always so nice to me.”
“And then this one night, lots of people needed rides at night. I picked up 3 girls from this bar. They were so silly, always giggling and laughing. The one pretty girl that sat behind me, she kept rubbing my head. I know I wear a mask now to protect my identity, but I shave my head. I like to be bald and that night, I had just shaved my dome before going to work. She kept running her hand over my dome, and it felt really, really good. A little too good. The girl that was in the front seat, she, huh, noticed…..”
OGDA is a little embarrassed right now.
“How much I was liking having my head touched and rubbed. I got the best tip in my Uber driving career that night when I finally got the ladies to their apartment, after they kept rubbing my arms, and the one lady in the front seat, she kept sticking her hand under my shirt and playing with my……”
OGDA pauses. He looks to the right. He looks to the left. He then steps in towards the camera and whispers.
“Nipples.”
And steps back and leans on his car. OGDA clears his throat.
“The 3 pretty ladies all stood in front of my car, and lifted their shirts! They weren’t wearing anything under them either. I got to see their, you know, them.”
OGDA nods real fast as he says this, his eyes wide like saucers.
“I counted 6 of them! I counted them twice! I don’t know if I was allowed to or not, but there was so much to take in.”
OGDA pauses and slowly crosses his arms.
“I don’t know why I counted. That might have been a little silly on my part. I don’t think I should have been pointing at each, you know, one, when they showed me what was under their shirts.”
Regrets, don’t we all have at least one?
“But do you know what won’t be silly? Monday night when Mister Uberman has to face me in that ring at Massacre. This isn’t fun and games. This is serious. I am, as Mister Jones pointed out, the number one contender to the Craze championship. I’m getting my title match, the first of my career in a couple of weeks at Serial Thrillers when I wrestle…..”
OGDA catches himself.
“Against, who I can’t say his name just yet. Mister Jones told me not to say his name, not yet anyways. Mister Uberman is a test and tune match I am being told. A match to keep me ready. A match to show, Mister Craze Champion that I am the real deal, that I mean business and that he most likely can’t beat me in a wrestling match. There is a part of me, that wants to like Mister Uberman. He does seem like a nice guy. I haven’t really meet him before. I’m sorry Mister Uberman, but this is my big chance, my big shot here at OCW to show Mister Welsh why I am not only just a very good wrestler, but the best damn Superhero he has ever seen!”
“My Rainbow Warriors Mister Uberman, I think they like you too, but Monday night, They are going to help me defeat you, and I’m sorry, but I am a man on a mission. It’s not every day that I get to wrestle for a championship, and I’m not going to allow this opportunity to slip through my hands! As Mister Jones told me yesterday….”
OGDA pulls a note from his pants pocket, unfolds it and reads it.
“Best! That Uber naughty word man might call himself Uberman, but in all reality, he is just Lyft. A cheaper, second rate knock off version of Uber. You, you’re the real deal, you are Uber, the tried and true, honest to god version that everyone knows and trust. You can’t even get Lyft ever where where Uber is! He just can’t compete Best! It’s not even close. Not only do you got this, you got this good. He’ll be a nice, easy, 15 second opponent for you. Just go in there, and kill him.”
OGDA folds up the paper.
“I’m not going to kill you Mister Uberman. But I will defeat you in our wrestling match.”
OGDA’s phone then makes a noise. He turned on his app and he’s got a ride now. OGDA looks at his phone.
“I’ve got to go to work now. In or out of that ring, you just can’t stop me. I always….”
OGDA pushes himself off of the car and looks right into the camera.
“Deliver.”
Fade out.
The match is well underway and The Captain is wrestling another unknown guy, a young “kid”, early 20’s with blonde hair that is buzzed down, A kid who hits the gym couple of times a week but isn’t defined like the Captain is. He’s a lean and trim 205 pounds at most, fast sleek athletic type. His name is Armbar Armstrong and it’s not just a play on words, he’s a textbook mat tech and he is schooling The Captain.
It’s not looking good…..
It’s looking like The Captain is in way over his head……
And just like that, Armbar Armstrong as the armbar locked in…..
It’s in that moment, Nanook knew, his guy was fucked.
The bell rings, the crowd, for not knowing who these two guys are, gives Armbar Armstrong a nice round of applause. He gets his hand raised in victory. Armbar sports a smile.
Nanook signs. He closes his eyes and just can’t believe it.
“Jesus….fuck. Who is that fucking kid?” Nanook mutters to himself. He turns away from the TV, just can’t bare to see The Captain holding his arm in pain. Is he hurt? That would be awful!
“How’d The Tool do?” Joe says with a hint of HAHA in his voice. Nanook glares down at him, he does stand a solid 10 inches over Joe. “Did he win? Is Marcus going to sign him?”
“A minor setback, I don’t know who that kid is, but he’s got talent. He’s got a small future in front of him.” Nanook says with some much disdain on his face, so bitter right now he is.
“Huh. Yeah that kid. He’s quite the arm puller. Get it? Arm puller?”
“Yeah! Very funny.” Nanook says as he goes to walk, or more accurately, waddle past Joe.
“That was fun! Man! Joe! Thanks!” A fresh face, sweaty but happy Armbar Armstrong says as he enters the picture and fists pumps Joe, quick bro hug Nanook snaps around.
“The fuck!” Nanook says.
Joe puts his arm around Armstrong. “Hey tubby! Meet my newest guy, Armbar Armstrong! This kid has gone to every wrestling school on the face of the planet! He even was a young boy, twice! Tell em kid.” Joe says as he slaps Armstrong’s chest.
“You can learn so much from the Japanese! So full of knowledge they are. I spent 5 years there….” Armstrong begins to says, he’s a excitable lad.
Nanook will have none of it. “THIS PIECE OF SHIT IS YOUR GUY? IS THIS SOME SORT OF GODDAMN JOKE?”
Nanook’s face goes from pure anger to OH MY GOD! SOMEONE SAVE ME! Armbar takes Nanook’s pinky finger, has it bent in 2 directions it shouldn’t be bent in, backwards and to the left, back and to the left. This brings Nanook down to his knees and Armbar just twisting his fat stubby pinky finger.
Joe smirks. “Kim.” Nanook’s birth name. “Why don’t we double down? I’ll go talk to Marcus to give both of these guys a rematch next week. And let’s make it interesting. How about we put……” Joe shrugs. “Their contract rights on the line. If the Captain can beat Armbar here, Armstrong here is your guy. But if the kid here, when he beats the tool, than that tool is mine.”
Nanook snatches his hand back. He’s pissed. He slowly stands up and gets right in Joe’s face.
“You’re on!” he growls. Joe smirks.
“Can’t wait.” Joe says.
Fade out.
A white 1979 Honda CCV wagon no less, pulls up to the curb with it’s tiny little engine purring like a well maintained machine, because that is what it is, a machine.
OGDA climbs out of the driver’s side of this classic Honda. Just picture for that for a second. He quickly jogs around the front of his car, a car he bought when he signed with the Cardinals when he went undrafted in the NFL draft. It set him back a solid 1200 bucks, and restoring this beast of a ride has set him back another 5G as he has had to outsource much of the work. It’s his pride and joy and wouldn’t trade it for nothing.
OGDA opens the passenger side door and holds it open.
“I haven’t done this in a long time, but after I learned who my opponent is this week at Massacre, I couldn’t help myself and dusted off my Uber app. I actually had to reinstall it since I haven’t used it in soooo long. Too long actually.”
OGDA gently closed the door to his ride and leans up against it.
“I used to drive for Uber too, last year when I was in San Francisco. The place I was work for, Darc Pro closed it’s door and that kinda makes me sad because I was in this tag team with this lovely women, one smart cookie, a strong girl who was really super awesome in the ring, at one point she went undefeated. She was beating everyone including me! We somehow teamed up. I forget how that happened…”
OGDA then remembers.
“AH! Yes! We were randomly put together and we ended up being like two peas in a pod. Her name was Miss Raven Hardy and the name of our team was #BestFriends. We were so close to winning those DarcPro tag team titles. So close. But it wasn’t meant to be.”
Deep breath by OGDA.
“So, when DARC Pro wasn’t paying me anymore, and before I went down to Mexico where I still wasn’t getting paid…..”
OGDA pauses as that just dawned on him.
“I needed money. Mr. Nanook had me buy a house and let me tell you, buying a house in San Fran is not cheap! Even though I got a good deal, that is what Mr. Nanook tells me, I was renting out a storage shed that I was using as my gym and that wasn’t cheap either. I seemed to be going through a lot of money I didn’t have there.”
OGDA pauses again, as that too just hit him.
“So I had this car, my car, that I have had ever since I left college and I started to driving for Uber. I would drive all day, every day. I meet some really nice people. Like Grandma Sophie. She was old and had so many doctor appointments. She was always so nice to me. She even made brownies, for her, block…..block….coma? I’m not sure how rich and moist brownies loaded right up with sugar helps with her condition, I never understood that. I don’t know what she put in those brownies but I was always so happy after eating one. Hungry too, for Cheetos for some reason. I was sad when I heard she past away. She was always so nice to me.”
“And then this one night, lots of people needed rides at night. I picked up 3 girls from this bar. They were so silly, always giggling and laughing. The one pretty girl that sat behind me, she kept rubbing my head. I know I wear a mask now to protect my identity, but I shave my head. I like to be bald and that night, I had just shaved my dome before going to work. She kept running her hand over my dome, and it felt really, really good. A little too good. The girl that was in the front seat, she, huh, noticed…..”
OGDA is a little embarrassed right now.
“How much I was liking having my head touched and rubbed. I got the best tip in my Uber driving career that night when I finally got the ladies to their apartment, after they kept rubbing my arms, and the one lady in the front seat, she kept sticking her hand under my shirt and playing with my……”
OGDA pauses. He looks to the right. He looks to the left. He then steps in towards the camera and whispers.
“Nipples.”
And steps back and leans on his car. OGDA clears his throat.
“The 3 pretty ladies all stood in front of my car, and lifted their shirts! They weren’t wearing anything under them either. I got to see their, you know, them.”
OGDA nods real fast as he says this, his eyes wide like saucers.
“I counted 6 of them! I counted them twice! I don’t know if I was allowed to or not, but there was so much to take in.”
OGDA pauses and slowly crosses his arms.
“I don’t know why I counted. That might have been a little silly on my part. I don’t think I should have been pointing at each, you know, one, when they showed me what was under their shirts.”
Regrets, don’t we all have at least one?
“But do you know what won’t be silly? Monday night when Mister Uberman has to face me in that ring at Massacre. This isn’t fun and games. This is serious. I am, as Mister Jones pointed out, the number one contender to the Craze championship. I’m getting my title match, the first of my career in a couple of weeks at Serial Thrillers when I wrestle…..”
OGDA catches himself.
“Against, who I can’t say his name just yet. Mister Jones told me not to say his name, not yet anyways. Mister Uberman is a test and tune match I am being told. A match to keep me ready. A match to show, Mister Craze Champion that I am the real deal, that I mean business and that he most likely can’t beat me in a wrestling match. There is a part of me, that wants to like Mister Uberman. He does seem like a nice guy. I haven’t really meet him before. I’m sorry Mister Uberman, but this is my big chance, my big shot here at OCW to show Mister Welsh why I am not only just a very good wrestler, but the best damn Superhero he has ever seen!”
“My Rainbow Warriors Mister Uberman, I think they like you too, but Monday night, They are going to help me defeat you, and I’m sorry, but I am a man on a mission. It’s not every day that I get to wrestle for a championship, and I’m not going to allow this opportunity to slip through my hands! As Mister Jones told me yesterday….”
OGDA pulls a note from his pants pocket, unfolds it and reads it.
“Best! That Uber naughty word man might call himself Uberman, but in all reality, he is just Lyft. A cheaper, second rate knock off version of Uber. You, you’re the real deal, you are Uber, the tried and true, honest to god version that everyone knows and trust. You can’t even get Lyft ever where where Uber is! He just can’t compete Best! It’s not even close. Not only do you got this, you got this good. He’ll be a nice, easy, 15 second opponent for you. Just go in there, and kill him.”
OGDA folds up the paper.
“I’m not going to kill you Mister Uberman. But I will defeat you in our wrestling match.”
OGDA’s phone then makes a noise. He turned on his app and he’s got a ride now. OGDA looks at his phone.
“I’ve got to go to work now. In or out of that ring, you just can’t stop me. I always….”
OGDA pushes himself off of the car and looks right into the camera.
“Deliver.”
Fade out.